Recently, I woke up with the thought that God tells us not to be anxious (Philippians 4:6). Our willingness to live out this guidance principle from His Word allows us to meet the challenges of life in a more purposeful, less-stressed frame of mind.
Patience is a huge piece of emotional wholeness and comes from our living intentionally, or as I like to coin the phrase, “Life by Design, not Default”.
Later this same day, I decided it was time to untwist the cords on my plantation blinds on two windows upstairs. They had been left in a tied-up, tangled-up state due to the fact that they are not in my typical line of vision as I am mostly downstairs. Also, the fact is, they are in the middle of my husband, Jeff's office, and it's not a task I would want to have him watching over my shoulder... LOL!
At first, I was letting thoughts of irritation invade my peaceful mindset and not utilizing patience. I was focusing on not wanting to do this right now because it was too warm in the room and the fact that there were many other things I could be doing that would be of more value than standing there untwisting the blinds.
As soon as I recognized that these negative thoughts were actually making the project more distasteful, I challenged my thoughts to reflect back on my early morning musings about patience and anxiety. I began to focus on how thankful I am to have a nice home and to have the opportunity to delight in making it a cozy and peaceful home.
I often get a front-row seat to moderate anxiety, with my beloved fur-baby, Max. He is a 5 year old golden retriever who really has a challenging time accepting change. He wants to be fed and walked at the scheduled time his internal clock dictates to him. If I move a chair or a lamp, he has to review what has happened and be given time to adjust.
If my hubby, Jeff, who is Max’s best bud, is away, Max may pace a while, whine at the door or lounge with his big head and beautiful puppy eyes, resting on my lap. He likes sameness. He is incredibly anxious and pants fairly loudly when he isn’t having his routine to go down the way he expects.
I’m a lot like Max. I like to sit in my favorite place, which is near a window. wherever I am. I like to drink my coffee or tea from one particular mug. I like the bed made as soon as I get out of it. When I return home, I beat a path to place my purse in the same spot on the same shelf, time after time. I actually do not like to travel (yep, now you know my biggest quirk), because I like to sleep in my own bed!
My reasoning for this behavior is that, more than anything, I absolutely detest having to search for anything or readjust to new surroundings.
I began to think of how God is teaching me to choose to be patient and work in a calm manner, rather than murmuring, and allowing my feelings of discontent to make me feel like I have a right to grumble. I thought how I have often been given a gentle nudge by Jesus, who loves me and wants the best for me.
Left to my own devices, I would likely be the same person in 20 years that I am today.... never growing, never exiting my comfort zone. What a waste that would be, of a beautiful gift of life that I have been given!
In this and numerous other incidences, when I stop and listen to myself and overwrite my dislike for doing certain things or being in certain places, I can happily agree that the anxiety I feel around being dissatisfied can quickly turn to peace and a serene state of mind, when I choose to accept my situation and simply be patient.
My Grandmother would typically say about uncomfortable circumstances, “It came to pass, not to stay!” Yet my murmuring, complaining and finding fault certainly can make the staying part seem way too long!
Another thing Grandma often said was, "You will find whatever it is you are looking for in a given situation. If you look for the good, that's what you will find; if you look for the bad, that is all you will see!" This is certainly true in my life.
Anxiety is like being held at gunpoint while being robbed. It snarls around our present moments and blurs our focus. If that isn't enough, it robs our energy, our health and our hope for a brighter day. There is absolutely nothing good in being anxious.
And the irony of the whole situation is that anxiety does not help anything. Worry, fear and doubt separate us from the peace God paid such a high price to provide for us. Nothing changes, improves or morphs into our ideal dream. We are left tired, angry, disillusioned and wrung out.
It's like being in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. (This is someone who needs and seeks too much attention, wants to be admired, and does not have the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others). A totally toxic situation for those in relationship with them. But that's a story for another day and I digress.
How do we take steps to overcome anxiety?
As I see it, patience can help us to calmly assess situations in ways that can help us manage expectations in how we envision an outcome. Often, it's our expectations that things 'ought' to turn out in a certain way, that creates anxiety in the first place. We don't like the steps needed to get to a desired outcome, although, we have the ideal belief that the outcome will be like the grand finale at a Fourth of July fireworks celebration.
But it takes a whole lotta whole lotta to get there! We love to plan the party, yet the shopping, chopping, cooking, making lists, recruiting volunteers, answering RSVPs about directions, what to wear, what gift to bring yada yada yada, can be overwhelming at times.
Reflecting back on the beginning of my post, it was my underlying thoughts that spending the time in an uncomfortable, overly warm office to stand for half an hour untangling cords on plantation shutters would be a boring, waste of time and who would notice anyway. This was the actual culprit behind my anxiety and dissatisfaction. It wasn't the actual task itself. It was my underlying thought process.
There is a reason that Scripture teaches us in Philippians 2:14 to do all that we have to do without murmuring (grumbling) and complaining. It makes the job so much worse. And who wants to be an audience when someone whines about their tasks? Yep, go ahead and sign me up, right? NO! Thank you!
The opposite of grumbling would be gratitude. I have a lot to be thankful for in my home and the opportunity and good health to care for it well. It is a privilege that many do not have.
I honestly believe there are three things that we can cultivate that will help us to reduce anxiety. They are to forgive when we've been wronged, be thankful for what we are given, and be content with the tasks that are ours to complete. After all, isn't this exactly how we would teach children to be?
If you haven't observed young children for a while, make a point to do so. They laugh a lot, throw a lot of energy (while smiling) into their tasks, and quickly forgive and move right on with their play time with other children.
What a beautiful example of what Jesus meant when He told us in Matthew 8:13 that, 'unless we become as little children we will not enter into heaven'.
And they delight themselves in their creative abilities and the tasks they have to do. They are often tireless in their efforts to build forts, create lego cities, cook in their play kitchens, and serve guests at their tea parties.
Yet, all of these 'play events' require work and focus to complete. But they enjoy it and I believe one thing makes the big difference. It is found in their attitudes. They have 'chosen' to do their task and do it with a great attitude. Most.Of.The.Time. Like us, they do have their off days. And we love them for being so real and authentic.
So, where can we point our focus today to help reduce our anxiety and experience more lasting joy? It’s actually closer than you may think!
When we are intentional with our attitudes, our patience, managing our expectations and being quick to forgive wrongs done to us, we catch many more moments that take our breath away!
I pray today will be a day just like that for you!
Until next time.....
Sheri xo
Btw....If you would like to learn more about my online coaching program kicking off on this Fall, my website is fully operational now.... JoyFilledRelationships.com
To see how this program may benefit you, feel free to schedule a free consult with me at: https://calendly.com/sheri-geyer/consult
And please share this info with other women that you believe would like more Joy in their life and relationships! xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
Several years ago, I had laser surgery on both eyes as a preventative measure against narrow angle closure glaucoma. During the weeks of my procedure and healing, I had to wear my glasses during my waking hours and not use my contact lenses.
Not so bad, right?
Well, not anymore. But, it wasn’t always that way … At age 11, my already coca-cola bottle thick glasses were upgraded to bifocals. Pretty tall order for a little girl who weighed about 70 pounds soaking wet.
Not the accessory that I wanted to add to my daily wardrobe. It didn’t matter how pretty my frames were, no one could see them for looking at two eyes that appeared to be a “uni-eye”.
The fun really began when I wanted to start wearing makeup. Guess what makeup does — it enhances your eyes so they can look larger. I tried every way possible to get mine to look smaller.
I prayed often for my eyes to be healed. If that wasn’t enough, I had overactive sebaceous glands and large pores. So add acne to my list of “how do you see me now” wonderment and you get the idea of what middle school and high school were like for me.
I was blessed to have cool, name brand clothes. But, no matter how I wrapped it, the package that I presented caused people to stare and whisper. And, of course, that made it a challenge for people to be friends with me because it meant they would risk also being considered, 'not cool'.
There were many times that I came home in tears wishing I never had to go to school again. (I homeschooled my girls, probably, in part, to feelings that I carried from this point in my life).
Fast forward to age 17 – I discovered benzoyl peroxide, got my braces off and found a doctor that would fit me for contact lenses.
With an overall improvement in my appearance, and starting college, I was moving up from stay-to-myself-shy to Sheri-the-social-butterfly.
Suffice to say, my life in college was much different than high school, except for the grades.
I had been a bookworm for way too long – at one point, in life, around age 13, I would read a Nancy Drew Mystery every single day. I was probably the only kid who checked out the maximum amount of books at the school library and actually read every one!
Over the course of life I married and gave birth to three amazing and beautiful daughters!
During my pregnancy with my oldest daughter, Angel, I prayed every day that she would have perfect eyesight, straight teeth, clear skin and curly hair! Everything I didn’t have… and she’s pretty well batting a thousand, apart from a little astigmatism. I prayed for AnnaLynne and Rachel too, but probably not with such fervor about their personal appearances. (If you've seen my daughters, you would agree that God sure did make them pretty! LOL)
I learned that my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth were not necessarily better because I had evolved from my caterpillar stage to the butterfly phase. Regardless of the outward changes, inside I still felt empty, unlovely and unlovable.
I equated outward appearance to feeling loved, accepted, cool, and all the things. What a disappointment to find this wasn’t the case at all.
At 22, after having grown up in church and spending some years being the prodigal, I got my business straight with God and began a deeper journey to intimacy with Him. (By far, the best decision I've ever made by-the-way!)
At 39, I began doing a Christian weight loss program that focused on drawing closer to God so He was my comfort and not food.
During this journey, I learned that God had been with me through all of those years. He was and is the Father I need to teach me how to do this life well. It is beyond belief the difference having this knowledge made in my life.
You see, I lost my dad in a car accident at age 9, I missed out on the valuable male insight he could have provided about guys, dating, not compromising my values to feel loved, marriage, car repair, career paths etc. I lived that loss numerous times like when I would attend a wedding and I would watch the bride walk down the aisle on the arm of her father.
I began to ask God for the abundant life His Word promises. This would take me on a journey that led me to value people but to no longer be driven by my desire for love and acceptance from them.
I began to see myself as God sees me. I saw that I am beautiful and that every struggle I have faced has served to draw me closer to Him and to the understanding that He has seen me at my best and my worst and loves me unconditionally.
All the while, He was patiently teaching me to love myself. He sent little messengers along the way, like the little four year old girl who put her hands on my face and told me that I was pretty, that Jesus loves me, and when I get to heaven He would heal all the “holes” (acne scars) on my face.
Once after we had both attended a leadership training, a friend that I served with at church told me that regardless of the acne scars that I have, the more he had gotten to know me, the more they seemed to disappear and they in no way “detracted” from my true beauty. I was proud of him for his courage.
So today, when I wear my glasses and someone comments about how thick they are, I can respond without feeling embarrassed. I smile when I touch my skin and find that as my daughter Rachel suggested, by eliminating foundation makeup and simply using a concealer as needed, my skin has actually improved. I would have never imagined I could look in at myself in the mirror without a heavy layer of foundation makeup on my skin and see beauty.
Wow, God! He can certainly change our perspective and our hearts!
Sometimes, I still ask God to heal my skin and eyes. I know He can if He chooses too. I am now happy behind my peepers, when I choose to wear them, and in my own skin. It probably helps me to be more considerate in my actions so that my inner beauty can shine through.
So at the end of the day, and in the midst of the many times I’ve felt embarrassed, having learned to love and see myself through my Father’s eyes truly has made the most amazing difference. I have stepped out of my shy-I'd-rather-be-in-the-shadows season of life and gone on to pursue much bigger things than I would have ever imagined I could do or have the courage to even try.
If you struggle with feelings of low self-worth, I hope you will take these to the Lord. (I highly recommend a journal... it's the best low/no cost therapy I've ever found). God has a wonderful way of reminding us of what a treasure we are to Him.
Allow Him to whisper His truth to you and ask Him to allow you to see you through His eyes.... You will never 'see' the same again!
Until next time,
-Sheri x0
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
If you feel you could use one, here's some wisdom for the journey.....
Today is a brand new day with new mercies. Your life is a blank piece of paper. How will you fill it?
I have gained a tremendous amount of wisdom in my almost 62 years. It began with my grandmother's investment in my life. Much of her sayings, quotes, colloquialisms are the thoughts my heart and mind land on when I am reflecting, wondering, and hoping for guidance and answers. My mother continued her mother's legacy to me and now, I aspire to live that out for my girls and their families.
In addition, the greatest wisdom is what God has provided for us in His Word and through the experiences He brings us through.
Below are some things that I would consider my Grandma-isms or my philosophies for doing life.... I would love to hear from you if any of them resonate with you.... Maybe you have a few of your own!?! Please use this link to message me through my website so I can enjoy them too! (https://joyfilledrelationships.com/#contact)
Timeless Wisdom:
Confrontation that seeks to clear the air and restore peace is found in making the effort to listen to a person share their thoughts and feelings. When we know their story, it changes everything!
Whenever you are in doubt, don't.
Finding value in life's difficulties often results from asking the right questions... "What can I learn from this situation?"
When you don't know what to do, do the next basic right thing.
Obstacles are the things you see when you take your eyes OFF the goal.
A good reputation is of more value than great riches.
Guarding our words spares us unnecessary trouble. Want to quickly gain more peace in your life? Decide now to only give advice when asked!
In order to motivate people and release their potential, one thing is required ... you will need to believe in them.
Neither affluence nor education can surpass simple tenacity in the pursuit of success.
Do not withhold good from the one it is due.
The first lies we need to learn to avoid, are the ones spoken by our fears.
Anxiety in the heart causes depression; an encouraging word can bring peace.
Take care of what's important to God and He will take care of what's important to you!
God reserves His very best for those who leave the choice to Him!
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.
To be trusted is a greater compliment even than to be loved.
When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, we change!. #boundaries
Concentrate on the condition you want not the one you are trying to dispose of.
Treat others as they can be and that is what they become.
We never miss the water until the well runs dry.
Relinquish what isn't working for you ... and you become all you are meant to be!
Consider when you have been wronged that if they are able to live "with it" you are able to live "without it".
Whatever you look for in any given circumstance, you will find. Look for the good, that's what you will find; look for the bad, that's all you will see.
The best days of life begin when you learn to want what you have as opposed to having what you want.
Love is my commitment to the welfare of another.
Perhaps our time here is not so much to accomplish tasks but more to enjoy the presence of God in childlike wonder.
Attempting to solve problems with the same mindset that created them is a waste of time.
If people gossip with you, they will gossip about you.
Love the people who treat you well. Pray for the ones who don’t.
Learn not to trade what you want most for what you want right now.
Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
If you need undivided devotion; get a dog.
Whatever you do, do it without grumbling. Grumbling makes every task more burdensome.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
Don’t feed your mind or body with bad things.
Learn to enjoy your own company. Solitude can be empowering.
Sing while in the shower and in the car with children. It helps you to engage, and it helps them to remember.
Fear is an awesome motivator but a cruel taskmaster.
When you do all you can do, God will show up and do what only He can do.
Doing your best trumps not trying when you can’t be the best.
Be thankful in every situation; the good ones for obvious reasons; the difficult ones for the lessons.
There is more opportunity for maturity during adversity than at any other time.
Whatever your current situation, it came to pass, not to stay.
Treat others the way you would like for them to treat you.
If someone will lie to you; they will steal from you.
Live by your values. Work from your passion and strengths.
Every situation can be a win-win. You either win it or you get the lesson from it.
Relinquish your past mistakes, and accept yourself with laughter.
Say what you mean, and truly mean what you say.
Let challenges bring growth, not create excuses.
Let go of resistance and you find peace.
Ask engaging questions to build authentic relationships.
Be alert to the moments that take your breath away.
Manage stress well in order to have the emotional energy to deal with the issues in life.
Resolve conflict before it becomes resentment.
You can have results or excuses, but not both!
Catch a sunset every chance you get.
Enjoy your work everyday. If you can't, find work that will enable you to.
Leave a legacy to your children that will carry them all of their lives.
Develop an openness to learn new things.
Memorize as many of God’s promises as possible.
Remind yourself to slow down, sip the coffee, smell the roses, and smile for no reason.
Cease from strife and worry. All things work out in God’s time.
Trust God’s heart when you can’t see His hand.
Make amends and work out your conflicts.
Avoid destructive habits and people.
Keep your commitments.
Be a person of your word.
Don’t return evil for evil; overcome it with good.
Do as much good as you can, as often as you can.
Pray to God with real words in a real way.
Find a little humor in every situation.
Minimize the things in life that pull you away from what is really important.
Be present at the important events in the lives of those you love.
Realize that the less often you make life “all about you” the more you can enjoy it.
Be fun and pleasant to be with.
Seek to understand rather than to be understood.
Overcome the tendency to judge and replace it with a heart of acceptance.
Live in such a way that the bad things you do are forgiven, and the good things you do bring glory to God and encourage others to seek a better path.
Often, my daughters seem to bring and leave a little sparkle everywhere they go.... I aspire to go higher in doing that as well.
May the wisdom of God and those who have loved you well light your way and make your path clear!
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
Growing a Faith Bigger than Your Fear
Many times, we find ourselves in a season of worry. We may be tempted to worry over health, finances, family, relationships, career, safety, or various other challenges that we may or may not have to face in life.
Jesus understood that seasons of worry are inevitable in our lives. Because of His humanity, he was empathetic and reminded us in Scripture not to worry about our lives, in regard to what we will eat, drink or the clothes we will wear. He compared the beautiful lilies and how God has decorated each one for the season they are to grow and thrive. His words of encouragement challenge us to seek God first and then He will provide the things we need.
One reason for worry comes from an inability or unwillingness to focus on the place we currently are in life... the present moment. Being in the moment provides an opportunity for learning to enjoy the blessings God provides each day. The challenge is that it requires us to be intentional. We can best remedy this by not obsessing over yesterday and the things that we are powerless to change, or fretting over tomorrow since it isn’t here yet. These habits stir up negative emotions that create a mindset for fear.
An interesting way to look at this is considering the vehicle you drive. It is equipped with a windshield and typically, a rearview mirror. Mentally assess the difference in the size of these two components. The windshield is likely 30+ times the size of the rearview mirror. And, when we are driving, we spend (hopefully), 99.99% of our time looking through the windshield to see where we are heading.
Occasionally, when changing lanes or making a turn, we may glance, momentarily, in our rearview mirror to ensure we can make our move safely.
If you are a Mom, you may spend a little more time looking back at your littles to ensure they are sleeping or simply to offer them comfort.
What would happen if we reversed this scenario?
How successful would we be driving a vehicle if we spend the lion's share of our time looking in the rearview to see where we have been, what is going on behind us or pondering what is in the past? As you know, it would be quite disasterous!
In fact, so much so, we might experience an official escort in our near future. LOL!!
It is the same way in all of life. We have zero ability to alter anything that has happened in our past. Yet, being focused on our faith walk and allowing it to lead us to a deeper intimacy with Christ provides us a bright opportunity to impact our future.
A closely aligned relationship with God, where we are walking by faith and not by what we see, or especially not being driven by what we feel, helps us to live more peacefully and more confident that the God who walks with us today is the One who gently guides us safely into our future with the ability to trust that He will work it all together for our good!
Our faith increases by hearing and responding in obedience to God and to His Word!
We live in a culture that provides us many voices and so much information telling us how we can best do life. We must be diligent to quieten our hearts to hear and listen to the still, small voice that leads us safely, peacefully and calmly through the highs and lows, the ups and downs and the changes that life brings.
He is the Anchor that holds when everything else feels like shifting sand.
Another cause for fear is that instead of trusting that God has a plan for our lives, we fix our minds on all the things that “could” go wrong. This zaps our energy for dealing with the the normal ebb and flow of life and robs us of of the ability to simply take God at His Word and lean on His promises.
Daily, we are confronted with plenty of concerns that require us to be on top of our game. We desire to make decisions in the present that we will be happy with down the road. We don’t need to add regrets from yesterday, or the things we may fear about the future.
Divide the things you face into two cateogories: those you can control and those you cannot. Resolve never to waste time and energy on the latter and not to make excuses for the challenges you face on the former.
If you will decide today to take the one step (or do the one thing) that God is telling you to do -- and simply trust Him with the outcome -- He will reveal the remaining 9 or 99 or 999 steps that you need to make to fulfill what He calls you to do with your life.
Equipping us for the journey is what He does well, and, if we get hung up on needing to know all 99 steps before we will even take one, we never get anywhere beyond "stuck". Taking that one step today, and trusting him with the other 99 is exactly what it means to live by FAITH!!
Recognize that there is a very real battle going on within each of us to either live by faith or by fear. If we truly desire our lives to change, we will be required to choose to overcome our fears and grow our faith.
If we want to do life by design, we have the opportunity to follow God wholeheartedly in full assurance that everything He does, He does well!
The polar opposite to living life by design is neglecting to live proactively, which results in our 'choosing' (because not choosing is making a choice) to simply default to doing life by default. There is no calm or joy or pleasure in this path.
Imagine for a moment the ones you love and cherish... you are fully aware of all of the blessings and favor that you desire for them to experience in their lives. You certainly wouldn't want them to be limited in their ability to trust that you are always about what is best for them. You would never sit around and allow them to limp through life stuck in fear and worry that there is no hope for them in the future or that things they may have been involved in or experienced in the past are acceptable to hold them captive.
God is holding that same space for each of us. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that He wants for us that is anything less than His very best. We are wise to leave the choices to Him in determining what our best life can be.
It does require waiting on Him... yep, that dreaded four-letter word....W-A-I-T!
We really are more 'comfortable' knowing all of the pieces of the journey, but it really isn't necessary. We can experience joy even when we don't know the whole path. Waiting in the uncertainty is where we have the greatest opportunity to grow.
Waiting isn't doing nothing. It isn't sitting around like a bump on a log, twidding our thumbs and thinking of the old song from 'Hee Haw' .... "Doom despair, agony on me...Deep, Dark Depression, Excessive misery....". (dating myself right here LOL!)
Not at all! It is entering into a season of resting in Him and focusing on the One who has brought us where we are in life. It is spending time in the Bible, especially in Psalms and reading about the laments and the help and the blessing that God has for each of us, in His time.
It is allowing Him to bring us through His refining fire to become all we are meant to be.
Sometimes, it's relinquishing the things that prevent us from being the person we know we are in our heart. It's a breaking of unhealthy patterns and negative beliefs.
Sometimes it's a breakthrough that comes from the breakdown.
All of the time, it is the security of His promise that He has a plan for our lives. It is also a knowing that He is good. And His ways are good.
And, ultimately, it's an embracing of all that can be!
At the end of the day, it comes down to the question we need to ask ...
What will I choose today? Will it be to Feed My Fear or Grow My Faith?
All of heaven stands ready to assist you if you choose to take God at His Word (Look through the Windshield) and leave fear where it belongs (In the Rear View)!
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
