Blog Category: Design Your Best Life

When we are faced with a crisis or struggle, it is tempting to despair. Despair often makes us feel immobilized.

But it’s in this struggle that the best opportunities emerge, if we are looking for them. 

A crisis is an opportunity to change, grow, learn, reflect, and become better. It’s where we discover who we are and how to find opportunities that were unimaginable before the crisis.

When I experienced divorce, I had to venture to find myself and learn to reinvent. It led me to an opportunity that allowed me to eventually have my own business.

When I failed at communication in my relationships, I learned to improve and grow better.

When I ended up closing the business I had purchased, it led me to start one in light of the current season in life where I can coach, mentor and provide insight in things I’ve learned.

When my children have experienced difficulties and I am powerless to change anything, it has helped me develop more patience, learn the power of raw emotions and what can happen when you alter your perspective.

When my husband and I have arguments it is an opportunity to learn more about each other and grow closer and become better at finding common ground. I’ve learned that conflict, once resolved, brings intimacy.

When my daughters grew up and left to meet their appointments in life, I learned to grieve the loss of a simpler life when they were with me and to be vigilant to watch them soar as I cheer them on from where I stand. I am so proud of all they do because I have a big piece of my heart invested.... their wins feel like my wins too! And their challenges often feel like bigger challenges than my own, because there is little I can do to make things better... like I could when they were little girls and experienced a bump or bruise or a careless word spoken in haste. I felt more assured and confident to help them recognize good things then, in spite of only struggles. It seemed much easier when a kiss or hug, ice cream or a lollipop could quickly help them to get up, dust themselves off and get right back into whatever they were doing.

There is more opportunity for reflection, growth and sustainable change during adversity than any other time.  We can focus on finding the “more” of life. It is the place where we can find renewed hope when all else seems bleak.  It is here that we often renew our faith in God who uses challenges to lead us to greater purpose in life.

We have the opportunity to find the good in the struggle, if we choose to look. I have learned that we will pretty much find whatever we expect to find.  If we look for the good, it is evident in places we may never have considered.  If we look for the bad things, they seem to multiply and be enlarged in every direction we seek.

Life is about perception. What do you perceive to be the good that can come from your present set of circumstances?  If you feel you’ve hit bottom, there is only one place to look ~ up!

Be careful not to step on the orchids while searching for the roses. Rare are the opportunities that come tagged with a guarantee for success.

Life as you know it may change. Who said it would be easy? But who’s to say it won’t be good, even better. Let go of all that isn’t working for you and step up to opportunity that may be the thing you would’ve never imagined. When we relinquish what isn't working and what we can't control, we open ourselves up for unlimited options. 

So when life as I knew it changed and I felt paralyzed, I purposed that each day I will get up, show up and do the best I can with what lies before me.  

I never knew how well life could work until I decided to do the next basic “right” thing and allow the opportunities each day to be treated as something of value as opposed to something I would dread.

The irony is that I have learned that when I work to overcome that which cripples me with fear, the unknown, I find things really do happen for a reason!

I have a friend who has recently suffered a number of serious challenges with the loss of two family members, a serious health crisis of another family member and just exhaustion and weariness from it all. Yet, her light shines brightly and it inspires me to keep on keeping on despite some challenges I've faced in the last few months. 

What a joy it can be to allow God to use what weighs us down to be something that helps another to soar. 

When it comes to adding joy in our relationships, often when we can share our burdens and are assured again of those who are there for us, it reorders our priorities and we can again celebrate the gifts we have in those we love that we may lose sight of on occasion. 

As we head into the upcoming holiday season of thankfulness, spend sometime reflecting and journaling about the real opportunities you have that may have felt like challenges at one time. Be sure to share your thankfulness with those who sprinkle the joy and their sparkle just when you need it most.

And then go out and leave your own kinds of sparkle.... your light, just like my friend's, may be just one someone else needs to find the next step they need to take. 

Blessings and peace!

Until next time.....

-Sheri xoxo

I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days

My  Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider checking it our and signing up now (during the developmental stage) and receive huge discounts before 2024! 


Do you have a personal or professional relationship in which there always seems to be a level of tension present? Sometimes, the more contact we have with certain people, the more we become aware of a strain in the relationship.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  

How do you determine the shifts you experience in certain relationships? Perhaps, the connection, at one point, was mutually beneficial, but now many times you may feel taken advantage of, even exploited?   What’s the best way to handle such relationships?  

If you answered yes to any of these questions it could be an indication that some personal boundaries are in order to protect yourself by reducing the stress and working to improve the relationship?  What would this look like and how does one do it?  If you’re willing, I’d like to coach you through this a bit by sharing my perspective on boundaries. 

 

Any one or all of these may arise when we position ourselves at the center of others lives, and begin to take responsibility for others that is neither appropriate nor healthy.  When this happens, others may not be aware that we are feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of in the relationship.  Prayerful consideration of a plan to engage them in a loving and honest conversation can be a good place to start.   This would provide an opportunity for mutual feelings and concerns to be shared in an effort to clear up confusion, and help to get the relationship back on an even keel.

However, it is often the case that boundary issues are generally more complicated.  My experience is that persons who regularly disregard others’ boundaries, often referred to as boundary busters, have a hard time hearing “NO”.  

This is very difficult for many of us who consider ourselves peacemakers and we may struggle with the idea that this seems like we would be acting selfishly.  We may find ourselves in this place as a result of having good motives to “esteem others greater than ourselves”. While this is Scripturally correct, I believe it is important here to recognize that Jesus modeled relationships built on mutual voluntary concern for others.  

In the case where He approached the lame man by the pool of Bethesda, He didn’t run over this person’s option to remain in the state he was in.  Jesus asked him if he desired to be healed. In speaking with the rich young ruler, Jesus gave him the “choice” to own responsibility for how he would live.  In both situations, Jesus respected each one’s right to govern their lives by their personal limits.  One man chose well, the other one did not.  The Bible indicates that both men were aware of the responsibilities around their choices.

When you decline to get involved in a particular event or activity, a boundary buster may attempt several strategies to get you to change your ‘no’ to ‘yes’.  You may feel bulldozed into doing what you had originally decided against, and later feel angry and resentful.  Eventually, this anger can begin to create tension in the relationship. It erodes self-esteem by introducing fear that acceptance is based on our compliance.  

I am a previous owner of a barbershop, where I worked for nearly two years before acquiring it from the original owner. One of the women who worked there since the beginning felt privileged around certain financial rewards because she was somewhat of a “star player” on the team.  At the beginning of my ownership, accompanied by my CPA, I laid out the plan for compensation, which was based on commission in a manner that made the playing field level.  

This particular lady, suspecting that she wasn’t getting preferential treatment, began discussing finances with others who worked there.  Upon finding out that everyone was paid at the same rate, she was livid, to the point of reminding me what the previous owner had promised.  After careful consideration, I called a meeting with her and politely laid down the guidelines, acutely aware that if she chose to walk I could very well expect a third of the clientele to follow her.  Still I stuck to my guns.  And, she walked.  She had notified her customers and many followed.  Those who didn’t called and I provided her contact information.  In less than a year, I got word that she had retired, sold her house and moved out of state.  I found this out as a result of about 95% of her clientele resumed coming to the barbershop, and, many, chose to see me personally.  Many commented that they appreciated that I had given them her contact info and came back to the shop because they liked the atmosphere and felt comfortable.

This particular incident was a turning point in my life.  My biggest learning curve around this was that when I choose to set boundaries, having good motives, I can trust that God will always work it out for good.  To this day even though I no longer cut hair, I am in touch with many former customers.  I didn’t rely on the world’s means of provision for my shop.  I learned to believe in a God who has promised never to leave me or forsake me and to always provide for me!

Boundaries are not a means of getting revenge.  They are a means of applying self-control in our lives by giving every relationship we have the opportunity to grow and flourish.  While they may seem harsh or inconsiderate, they are a visible means of communication to others.  

Boundaries, like fences, need to have gates. The gate serves to push the bad out and to receive the good in.  A fence with no gate is nothing more than a wall.

In such situations, a relationship can be put back on track by calmly and assertively establishing limits around what we will or will not tolerate in our lives. This may be met with disbelief or disdain by some, but over time consistent limits will either draw the relationship back into healthy alignment or create distance.  In either case, the level of respect that you are regarded with will typically increase.  

The difficulty here will be in “feeling” that we will lose the relationship.  A different perspective may be that we are setting it up to potentially improve the relationship over time.  It really is loving-kindness toward ourself and the other person when we work to create a safe relationship of mutual regard for one another’s feelings and desires.

A sidebar to the barbershop story is that within several months from the time the former coworker left my shop to work at a different location a few miles away, she actually sent me a card to say “thank you” for directing her clients to her new location.  Thus, respect comes into play around setting appropriate limits in a kind and considerate manner and with a level of consistency that allows the other person to regard you with an assurance that you do, in fact, keep your word.  By establishing these limits early on, you can relax and enjoy more peaceful and loving relationships.  

 
Becoming drawn to those who respect our boundaries, gives us the support we need to develop healthy limits with those with whom we are in a relationship that has some challenges..  We can begin to develop the courage of evaluating our relationships and determining where or when boundaries may need to be placed.  

It is absolutely essential to have support as you begin the process of establishing safe limits in a difficult relationship or situation in life. We also need to be respectful of others’ boundaries. Thus, setting an example of the way we desire to be treated.


Boundaries provide the structure for balance and success in our lives and work. When we learn to value what we are responsible for: such as our feelings, talents, thoughts, attitudes, behavior and personal wellbeing, we can take necessary steps to protect them.  

In protecting our treasures, i.e. guarding our hearts, we are able to allow the good to get in and the bad to stay out. 

Guilty feelings are normal when we begin to establish boundaries.  

Setting limits in our lives may activate a critical internal judge.  When we cease listening to the overactive conscience and respond according to values of love, kindness, responsibility and forgiveness, the feelings of guilt will diminish.  

It is okay for us to say no to things that God would not want for us either.  The difficulty comes when we fear the reactions of others and / or the loss of relationship.  This is why a support system made up of people who will respect our ‘no’ is so important. 

Unless we are free to say “no” we are not truly free to say “yes” out of a heart of love and service.  Anything short of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when we choose is out of obligation and not out of freedom.

If you recognize your need to establish safe and loving boundaries and are uncertain as to where you should begin, consider getting some coaching.  Coaching will provide you the opportunity to express your concerns, receive an objective opinion around your motives, and the opportunity to do a little “role” play to be able to look at the view from both sides of the “fence”.

In addition to learning how to establish limits, coaching provides you with an opportunity to receive support to have those difficult conversations and encouragement as you wait and allow God to do the work in the heart of the other person.

For more information regarding how coaching can help you to establish healthy boundaries, please check out my website at JoyFilledRelationships.com.

Unfortunately, depending on the safety of the situation, boundaries may best be put in motion within the safety of a coach, pastor, counselor or mutual friend of those in the relationship.  If your particular situation could become dangerous, seek the help of those who can offer you the safety that you need, prior to laying the foundation for the needed limits.


Healthy, mature boundaries provide the freedom to establish goals based on personal values. Setting these goals helps us determine our God-given purpose and the balance to better navigate life. 

We make choices based on what we determine to be important and not out of fear of how others may react.   When we are free to say no, we are then free to say yes.  

We build better relationships by setting safe limits and truly being able to live at peace with others.

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

Toxic relationships, self-sabotaging behaviors and fear-based mindsets will consistently derail our efforts, drain our energy and hinder our growth and ability to create a life we won’t need to try to escape from. Are you tired of falling into the same negative patterns in your relationships? Do you find yourself feeling stuck, frustrated, and emotionally drained by repetitive cycles of conflict and disappointment? Don't let negative patterns dictate the course of your relationships any longer. It's time to break free….

Since successfully navigating the challenges of divorce, abandonment and a host of other relationship challenges in both childhood and in marriage, I have spent nearly 20 years coaching numerous women, both personally and professionally, and equipping them with the tools and strategies necessary to experience a transformational process that allows them to create joy-filled relationships and emotional stability!

If you are Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries, then we need to chat…..!

Recently, I woke up with the thought that God tells us not to be anxious (Philippians 4:6). Our willingness to live out this guidance principle from His Word allows us to meet the challenges of life in a more purposeful, less-stressed frame of mind. 

Patience is a huge piece of emotional wholeness and comes from our living intentionally, or as I like to coin the phrase, “Life by Design, not Default”.

Later this same day, I decided it was time to untwist the cords on my plantation blinds on two windows upstairs. They had been left in a tied-up, tangled-up state due to the fact that they are not in my typical line of vision as I am mostly downstairs. Also, the fact is, they are in the middle of my husband, Jeff's office, and it's not a task I would want to have him watching over my shoulder... LOL!

At first, I was letting thoughts of irritation invade my peaceful mindset and not utilizing patience. I was focusing on not wanting to do this right now because it was too warm in the room and the fact that there were many other things I could be doing that would be of more value than standing there untwisting the blinds. 

As soon as I recognized that these negative thoughts were actually making the project more distasteful, I challenged my thoughts to reflect back on my early morning musings about patience and anxiety. I began to focus on how thankful I am to have a nice home and to have the opportunity to delight in making it a cozy and peaceful home.

I often get a front-row seat to moderate anxiety, with my beloved fur-baby, Max. He is a 5 year old golden retriever who really has a challenging time accepting change. He wants to be fed and walked at the scheduled time his internal clock dictates to him. If I move a chair or a lamp, he has to review what has happened and be given time to adjust. 

If my hubby, Jeff, who is Max’s best bud, is away, Max may pace a while, whine at the door or lounge with his big head and beautiful puppy eyes, resting on my lap. He likes sameness. He is incredibly anxious and pants fairly loudly when he isn’t having his routine to go down the way he expects.

I’m a lot like Max. I like to sit in my favorite place, which is near a window. wherever I am. I like to drink my coffee or tea from one particular mug. I like the bed made as soon as I get out of it. When I return home, I beat a path to place my purse in the same spot on the same shelf, time after time. I actually do not like to travel (yep, now you know my biggest quirk), because I like to sleep in my own bed! 

My reasoning for this behavior is that, more than anything, I absolutely detest having to search for anything or readjust to new surroundings.

I began to think of how God is teaching me to choose to be patient and work in a calm manner, rather than murmuring, and allowing my feelings of discontent to make me feel like I have a right to grumble. I thought how I have often been given a gentle nudge by Jesus, who loves me and wants the best for me. 

Left to my own devices, I would likely be the same person in 20 years that I am today.... never growing, never exiting my comfort zone. What a waste that would be, of a beautiful gift of life that I have been given!

In this and numerous other incidences, when I stop and listen to myself and overwrite my dislike for doing certain things or being in certain places, I can happily agree that the anxiety I feel around being dissatisfied can quickly turn to peace and a serene state of mind, when I choose to accept my situation and simply be patient.

My Grandmother would typically say about uncomfortable circumstances, “It came to pass, not to stay!” Yet my murmuring, complaining and finding fault certainly can make the staying part seem way too long!

Another thing Grandma often said was, "You will find whatever it is you are looking for in a given situation. If you look for the good, that's what you will find; if you look for the bad, that is all you will see!" This is certainly true in my life.

Anxiety is like being held at gunpoint while being robbed. It snarls around our present moments and blurs our focus. If that isn't enough, it robs our energy, our health and our hope for a brighter day. There is absolutely nothing good in being anxious. 

And the irony of the whole situation is that anxiety does not help anything. Worry, fear and doubt separate us from the peace God paid such a high price to provide for us. Nothing changes, improves or morphs into our ideal dream. We are left tired, angry, disillusioned and wrung out. 

It's like being in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. (This is someone who needs and seeks too much attention, wants to be admired, and does not have the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others). A totally toxic situation for those in relationship with them. But that's a story for another day and I digress. 

How do we take steps to overcome anxiety? 

As I see it, patience can help us to calmly assess situations in ways that can help us manage expectations in how we envision an outcome. Often, it's our expectations that things 'ought' to turn out in a certain way, that creates anxiety in the first place. We don't like the steps needed to get to a desired outcome, although, we have the ideal belief that the outcome will be like the grand finale at a Fourth of July fireworks celebration.

But it takes a whole lotta whole lotta to get there! We love to plan the party, yet the shopping, chopping, cooking, making lists, recruiting volunteers, answering RSVPs about directions, what to wear, what gift to bring yada yada yada, can be overwhelming at times.

Reflecting back on the beginning of my post, it was my underlying thoughts that spending the time in an uncomfortable, overly warm office to stand for half an hour untangling cords on plantation shutters would be a boring, waste of time and who would notice anyway. This was the actual culprit behind my anxiety and dissatisfaction. It wasn't the actual task itself. It was my underlying thought process.

There is a reason that Scripture teaches us in Philippians 2:14 to do all that we have to do without murmuring (grumbling) and complaining. It makes the job so much worse. And who wants to be an audience when someone whines about their tasks? Yep, go ahead and sign me up, right? NO! Thank you!

The opposite of grumbling would be gratitude. I have a lot to be thankful for in my home and the opportunity and good health to care for it well. It is a privilege that many do not have. 

I honestly believe there are three things that we can cultivate that will help us to reduce anxiety. They are to forgive when we've been wronged, be thankful for what we are given, and be content with the tasks that are ours to complete. After all, isn't this exactly how we would teach children to be?

If you haven't observed young children for a while, make a point to do so. They laugh a lot, throw a lot of energy (while smiling) into their tasks, and quickly forgive and move right on with their play time with other children.

What a beautiful example of what Jesus meant when He told us in Matthew 8:13 that, 'unless we become as little children we will not enter into heaven'.

And they delight themselves in their creative abilities and the tasks they have to do. They are often tireless in their efforts to build forts, create lego cities, cook in their play kitchens, and serve guests at their tea parties.

Yet, all of these 'play events' require work and focus to complete. But they enjoy it and I believe one thing makes the big difference. It is found in their attitudes. They have 'chosen' to do their task and do it with a great attitude. Most.Of.The.Time. Like us, they do have their off days. And we love them for being so real and authentic.

So, where can we point our focus today to help reduce our anxiety and experience more lasting joy? It’s actually closer than you may think! 

When we are intentional with our attitudes, our patience, managing our expectations and being quick to forgive wrongs done to us, we catch many more moments that take our breath away!

I pray today will be a day just like that for you!

Until next time.....

Sheri xo

Btw....If you would like to learn more about my online coaching program kicking off on this Fall, my website is fully operational now.... JoyFilledRelationships.com

To see how this program may benefit you, feel free to schedule a free consult with me at: https://calendly.com/sheri-geyer/consult 

And please share this info with other women that you believe would like more Joy in their life and relationships! xo

If you feel you could use one, here's some wisdom for the journey.....

Today is a brand new day with new mercies. Your life is a blank piece of paper. How will you fill it?

I have gained a tremendous amount of wisdom in my almost 62 years. It began with my grandmother's investment in my life. Much of her sayings, quotes, colloquialisms are the thoughts my heart and mind land on when I am reflecting, wondering, and hoping for guidance and answers. My mother continued her mother's legacy to me and now, I aspire to live that out for my girls and their families. 

In addition, the greatest wisdom is what God has provided for us in His Word and through the experiences He brings us through. 

Below are some things that I would consider my Grandma-isms or my philosophies for doing life.... I would love to hear from you if any of them resonate with you.... Maybe you have a few of your own!?! Please use this link to message me through my website so I can enjoy them too! (https://joyfilledrelationships.com/#contact)

Confrontation that seeks to clear the air and restore peace is found in making the effort to listen to a person share their thoughts and feelings. When we know their story, it changes everything!

Whenever you are in doubt, don't.

Finding value in life's difficulties often results from asking the right questions... "What can I learn from this situation?"

When you don't know what to do, do the next basic right thing.

Obstacles are the things you see when you take your eyes OFF the goal.

A good reputation is of more value than great riches.

Guarding our words spares us unnecessary trouble. Want to quickly gain more peace in your life? Decide now to only give advice when asked!

In order to motivate people and release their potential, one thing is required ... you will need to believe in them.

Neither affluence nor education can surpass simple tenacity in the pursuit of success.

Do not withhold good from the one it is due.

The first lies we need to learn to avoid, are the ones spoken by our fears.

Anxiety in the heart causes depression; an encouraging word can bring peace.

Take care of what's important to God and He will take care of what's important to you!

God reserves His very best for those who leave the choice to Him!

A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.

To be trusted is a greater compliment even than to be loved. 

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, we change!. #boundaries

Concentrate on the condition you want not the one you are trying to dispose of.

Treat others as they can be and that is what they become.

We never miss the water until the well runs dry. 

Relinquish what isn't working for you ... and you become all you are meant to be!

Consider when you have been wronged that if they are able to live "with it" you are able to live "without it".

Whatever you look for in any given circumstance, you will find. Look for the good, that's what you will find; look for the bad, that's all you will see.

The best days of life begin when you learn to want what you have as opposed to having what you want.

Love is my commitment to the welfare of another.

Perhaps our time here is not so much to accomplish tasks but more to enjoy the presence of God in childlike wonder.

Attempting to solve problems with the same mindset that created them is a waste of time.

If people gossip with you, they will gossip about you.

Love the people who treat you well.  Pray for the ones who don’t.

Learn not to trade what you want most for what you want right now.

Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire. 

If you need undivided devotion; get a dog.

Whatever you do, do it without grumbling.  Grumbling makes every task more burdensome.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

Don’t feed your mind or body with bad things.

Learn to enjoy your own company.  Solitude can be empowering.

Sing while in the shower and in the car with children.  It helps you to engage, and it helps them to remember.

Fear is an awesome motivator but a cruel taskmaster.

When you do all you can do, God will show up and do what only He can do.

Doing your best trumps not trying when you can’t be the best.

Be thankful in every situation; the good ones for obvious reasons; the difficult ones for the lessons.

There is more opportunity for maturity during adversity than at any other time.

Whatever your current situation, it came to pass, not to stay.

Treat others the way you would like for them to treat you.

If someone will lie to you; they will steal from you.

Live by your values.  Work from your passion and strengths.

Every situation can be a win-win. You either win it or you get the lesson from it.

Relinquish your past mistakes, and accept yourself with laughter.

Say what you mean, and truly mean what you say.

Let challenges bring growth, not create excuses.

Let go of resistance and you find peace.

Ask engaging questions to build authentic relationships.

Be alert to the moments that take your breath away.

Manage stress well in order to have the emotional energy to deal with the issues in life.

Resolve conflict before it becomes resentment.

You can have results or excuses, but not both!

Catch a sunset every chance you get.

Enjoy your work everyday. If you can't, find work that will enable you to.

Leave a legacy to your children that will carry them all of their lives.

Develop an openness to learn new things.

Memorize as many of God’s promises as possible.

Remind yourself to slow down, sip the coffee, smell the roses, and smile for no reason.

Cease from strife and worry. All things work out in God’s time.

Trust God’s heart when you can’t see His hand.

Make amends and work out your conflicts.

Avoid destructive habits and people.

Keep your commitments.

Be a person of your word.

Don’t return evil for evil; overcome it with good.

Do as much good as you can, as often as you can.

Pray to God with real words in a real way.

Find a little humor in every situation.

Minimize the things in life that pull you away from what is really important.

Be present at the important events in the lives of those you love.

Realize that the less often you make life “all about you” the more you can enjoy it.

Be fun and pleasant to be with.

Seek to understand rather than to be understood.

Overcome the tendency to judge and replace it with a heart of acceptance.

Live in such a way that the bad things you do are forgiven, and the good things you do bring glory to God and encourage others to seek a better path.

Often, my daughters seem to bring and leave a little sparkle everywhere they go.... I aspire to go higher in doing that as well.

May the wisdom of God and those who have loved you well light your way and make your path clear!

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

There are certain laws in place that don’t change such as gravity. There are others that are fairly predictable such as reaping & sowing, and regardless of how you drop a slice of bread, it always lands butter-side-down!

Another seemingly predictable law that is set in motion is judgment. We as humans are always judging. We judge ourselves harshly based on how we 'feel' on the inside and compare that image of ourself to the 'outside' of another who we view when they have their best-foot-forward. 

We measure others up one side and down the other. 

How nice it would be to become more like my dog who is completely non-judgmental and loves me unconditionally as a result. Remind you of anyone??

It is amazing how often we have done something or have opted not to do something based on what we “think” others would say or think about our choice. This prevents us from being free to live authentically. 

How can we best choose where we believe God may be leading if we first have to check in with the judgment panel?

Now, I’m not saying we don’t need accountability and support in our lives. These are extremely important. 

People who know us well enough to be a source of support and accountability for us do so based on a certain level of permission we have given them to speak into our lives. They have listened to our hearts and shared in our joys and sorrows. 

They are in place because they have earned what I like to call “relational” capital and we seek the investment they make in our lives. We are better because of the check and balance system these folks share with us.

The point I am making is that there are some who really do not have our best interest at heart. They are self-appointed judges to determine and verbalize to us what we need to be doing or not doing or perhaps, doing differently. 

A good indicator of relationships with these people is that we basically feel like we have to be defensive to protect our treasures, i.e. our thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams around them because they “feel” they have the right to have a “say” in the choices we make.

Whether or not we have given permission for certain people to speak into our lives, we are training them that this is acceptable behavior unless we are pro-active. 

It may be necessary to communicate that we are able to make our choices and ask for help when needed, or we may find ourselves paralyzed to move forward based on what we “think” they may “think” we should or should not do.

This limits our ability to live freely and often to achieve greater things in life. 

I believe those we have invited to speak truth into our lives sometimes may need to tell us what we need to hear. This can greatly benefit us because the view they see may be more accurate than the one we 'see' or 'think' we see. 

If those who are commited to our welfare will be refreshingly honest with us we can grow. 

However, if we have significant people in our lives routinely tell us what we want to hear, they really do more harm than good. 

If someone cares and respects us,  they will set their pre-judgments aside and truly listen with an intent to help us discern what would be best for us in the way of creating a life we desire. 

When we are making choices that align with our overall direction in life, they can cheerlead and urge us on. 

When we are considering a choice that is not in alignment, they have the courage and permission to remind us of our hopes and desires and question us on where we are in the journey.

The key difference is that someone who believes in us and respects our choices and our right to make them, will ASK questions as opposed to TELL us what they think. 

The “telling” part and the asking of “Why” often makes it seem we are backed in a corner. The result is that we may become defensive and make bad choices to “prove” that we can do whatever we want. Nobody wins in this cycle.

I believe God has ignited a candle of passion within each of us to pro-actively seek the purpose(s) He has for us. 

We will experience the greatest peace and contentment when we are actively pursuing the path that lets us live out the purposes that we are passionate about. 

It is also a journey of continual learning and growth. We are all designed for greatness in the things that matter most in our lives. 

We can best achieve this by aligning our will with God’s, having wise counsel and finding our gifting and passion by working and living within these areas. 

The best analogy I can have for going against our passion and trying to do life or work a job for some other reason, such as money, prestige etc. is that of certain hair types. (I was in the hair industry for many years!) 

Often people with curly hair spend countless hours and dollars trying to straighten and smooth down their hair. While folks with fine, straight hair are trying to color, perm and add volume to their hair, also at a great cost of time, money and frustration. 

I often recommended that they work “with” what they have and not "against" it.

In order to get over believing that what other people think about us is so important, it is wise to remember that their opinions of us are really none of our business. 

What difference do their opinions make? That all depends on whether we choose to allow it to make a difference or not. The freedom to choose is ours. The power to choose can be ours or we can pass that off if we listen too long to the voices of what others “think”.

I am reminded of a quote that I love from our pastor at our former church in the Atlanta area. He would say to be properly aligned with truth, we need to realize that we often struggle with: "I am who I THINK you THINK I am".

Since that's a tongue-twister at best, here are my thoughts..... If I am overly concerned (and over-thinking) what I believe you think of me, I begin to believe (and likely emulate) whatever it is I think you are thinking of me. 

However, IF I were to choose to let the "YOU" in that quote be God alone, my whole understanding can change.

I know certain truths about God... He loves me unconditionally. He says I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. He tells me He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb. He gave His Son to take my place so I could choose Him and spend eternity in His presence. 

So, if I CHOOSE to take God at His Word, this can change everything about the way I 'see' me and I can joyfully align with "I am WHO I THINK God THINKS I am!" Wow, how refreshing is that?!?!?

What is the big fear of what others may judge us to be or not be? More than likely it is a fear of failure or a fear of rejection. 

But in reality, what’s the big deal if something doesn’t work the way we had hoped or the outcome doesn't look the way we envisioned? And what if, everyone doesn't love us like Jesus?

We can choose to simply try again, the next time we will have more experience. We never truly “fail” unless we quit trying to find a way to get to an outcome that we can be satisfied with.

And we can choose to accept that we are not going to connect on a deep level with some people. And that is okay. 

I believe if we have 3-5 really close friends that we connect with on a routine basis, we are among the richest people in the world.... rich in what truly matters!

The best way to face the fear of what others think and get through to living the life we choose is simply to visualize the worst case scenario and ask ourselves what would we do if this or that happens? 

We can play it out in our mind (or on paper) and often begin to see things that may not have been as clear when our idea was merely a dream.

My grandmother always said, “when people (the ones who judge) are talking about ‘you’ (or me) they are leaving someone else alone”. 

Meaning that the one thing that is certain is that as sure as people will always be talking, they will always be judging. This is something we have no power to change.

But we do have the power to choose. 

Do you want to live in the freedom you have to create a life you love, are passionate about and do not need to escape from? 

The choice, either way, is up to you!

Until next time....

-Sheri xo