Letting go of the need for control is one of the (many) things I have to consistently work on to achieve positive results.
My default setting is that I want to feel in control of how things will turn out — control of a trip that I’m on, or a project I’m handling, how a conversation will go or even getting my dogs to “go” in a timely manner.
Often, it becomes more frustrating than the way I had imagined it could be ~ IF I were truly in control.
Can we ever really control how things will turn out?
We might think so, but how often do things actually turn out exactly the way we’ve planned?
I know my life has been a series of unexpected outcomes, despite my best intentions to get to certain goals, accomplishments or experiences.
Even when I reach the end point of certain things that I've endeavored to do, they often turn out to be much different once I achieve them, than I had originally imagined that they would be.
And forget planning for an outcome to go down without a hitch....
Yeah, that's the equivalent of herding cats or nailing jello to a wall!
I’ve found that when I want to control the outcome of things, I become more anxious and tense.
I’m less happy with how other people do things, less happy with myself, and less relaxed in the moments that I ordinarily would be able to enjoy.
My relationships and responsibilities suffer because I am preoccupied with how I “think” things ought to be and how they will turn out.
My friend called this week to give me an update on something she was 'concerned' would happen. And, guess what, like so many other things we are 'concerned' (worried) about... it ended up working out so much better than she imagined it would.
Her comment to me was so true. She said, "I used to get so anxious worrying about all the things that I really hoped wouldn't happen. But, I've finally realized. that things usually work out just as they are supposed to. And, I am thankful that Jesus does this and that I don't have all the anxiety anymore".
I couldn't agree more. Often, when I get fixated on how something should be for me to be 'okay', it's all I can think about.
It makes it so hard to focus on what the Lord wants me to learn through this situation as well as others I may be dealing with.
And, it affects my moods and especially how present I can be with the other happenings I'm currently involved in.
It's such a waste of a day (or a week, or an hour) to be all wrapped up in one thing.... the outcome of something.
Some months back, Jeff and I watched an older movie about a pro golfer who was played by Pat Boone, when he was likely in his 80s. He was mentoring a younger golfer, who played well, but was overly anxious and cocky.
The movie offered many lines that were wisdom such as I'd expect to hear from my grandmother. One such line was when the pro instructed the younger golfer about something he had observed in him that was causing him to make careless errors. The pro told him that he needed to practice "NATO".
The younger guy was bewildered until the pro explained that 'NATO' stands for 'not-attached-to-the-outcome".
The pro encouraged him to play in the moment. To think and be present in the moment. Not somewhere off on the 18th hole trying to win, when he needed to be focused on where he was and the effort he was making on the hole he was playing. Which, the pro explained, was where he could have the most impact.
How true!! When my focus is on the completion, conclusion or finishing of something, I am not present. I am staked out in the future with much of my emotional stability banking on a particular outcome that I have very limited means of influencing.
I am probably somewhere out in left field looking up for a fly ball that may not even come my way.... so since my focus is off on something I cannot control, I often lose control of where I can make a difference.
This definitely presents a problem in relationships.
When we become so focused on what the other person needs to monitor, correct, adjust, tweak or otherwise relinquish, we are not manning the post of our own lives.... which is the only thing we can control!
God gave us the fruit of the Spirit, see Galations 5:22-23, to demonstrate the only true control we can really have. And that is self-control.
If I'm so busy observing (with the intention of catching you doing something that needs to be adjusted), who, then, is monitoring my actions and what I need to be doing?
What happens when we turn that around and manage what God actually intended us to manage?
Well, better relationships for one. We become more pleasant to be around when we aren't navigating the pilot's controls from our co-pilot seat.
The hardest thing we may ever do is to simply say nothing while someone is learning the ropes on whatever it is they are doing.
But that's okay. We can do hard things. And we can let others do hard things. Doing hard things builds character.
Trying to 'help' other's accomplish their hard things (especially without an invitation) could possibly make us 'quite a character' to deal with.
As adults, the last thing we need is family or friends taking on the role of a parent for us. After all, at 2 years old, we were already declaring, 'Me do it!"
So how can I best deal with this when, at times, it seems to be a reccurring struggle?
Not to mention that neither my hubby, my daughters, or my family, friends or neighbors have turned over the keys to their lives for me to manage. This could be a indicator that I could be barking up the wrong tree ;)
What I am discovering is that, I am unable to stop myself from 'wanting' to control things. (Wow, can't even control that!! LOL).
I can’t even stop the urge to control outcomes from coming up in me. I need to become aware when the desire to control things comes. I can choose to let the urge happen, without acting on the emotions that rise up in me, especially if they are truly not the best for me or others.
I’ve found this to be easier said, than done. My goal is to remind myself to see the urge, not as a command that I am required to follow, but simply a suggestion from the child within me.
I can then be aware to look for the good things that can come from the situation, even if it’s uncontrolled. I don’t need to control things to be able enjoy them.
Let me repeat that (for myself, or course) ... I. Don’t. Need. To. Control. Things. To. Be. Able. To. Enjoy. Them.
I can just let them happen.
Ironically, what I've learned is that having or being in control has ever only been an illusion anyway.
God is the only One who is in, or has ever been in, control.
That said, I still take action. There are things I can control that have a positive effect on me and hopefully on those important to me:
I can educate myself regarding a trip, simply because I’m curious about a new adventure.
I can be free to let conversations flow naturally.
And my furry friends can take their leisure in enjoying being outside without me pressuring them to “hurry up”.
These are all simply stress-management exercises from which I can greatly benefit.
So, in discovering that I really was living in an illusion of control and not actual control.....I did the only thing I knew to do....
I turned in my resignation as Master of the Universe. The pay wasn't worth it anyway!
Turns out that God wasn't even hiring for the position because He enjoys His work and didn't even need a consultant.... even one who was willing to keep working for, ummmm.... FREE!?!?!
When I keep my focus on what I can control..... (me!), I can experience the freedom of letting go.
I realize I have a choice: I can choose to try to control the outcome and create frustration for myself and those I hold dear, or I can trust in the moment that God has this... and He has me too!
My prayer for me is that I will always choose to trust as often as possible!
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
I'd love for you to join my online community for Christian Women on Mighty Networks! It's free, it's a safe place where you can connect, share, be encouraged and learn to grow a deeper faith walk with the Lord! Here's the link; I hope to see you on the inside: https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual
I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days
My Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider signing up now (during the developmental stage) to receive huge discounts and Lifetime Access for as long as the program is offered! You'll never get a better opportunity or price!
If you feel you could use one, here's some wisdom for the journey.....
Today is a brand new day with new mercies. Your life is a blank piece of paper. How will you fill it?
I have gained a tremendous amount of wisdom in my almost 62 years. It began with my grandmother's investment in my life. Much of her sayings, quotes, colloquialisms are the thoughts my heart and mind land on when I am reflecting, wondering, and hoping for guidance and answers. My mother continued her mother's legacy to me and now, I aspire to live that out for my girls and their families.
In addition, the greatest wisdom is what God has provided for us in His Word and through the experiences He brings us through.
Below are some things that I would consider my Grandma-isms or my philosophies for doing life.... I would love to hear from you if any of them resonate with you.... Maybe you have a few of your own!?! Please use this link to message me through my website so I can enjoy them too! (https://joyfilledrelationships.com/#contact)
Timeless Wisdom:
Confrontation that seeks to clear the air and restore peace is found in making the effort to listen to a person share their thoughts and feelings. When we know their story, it changes everything!
Whenever you are in doubt, don't.
Finding value in life's difficulties often results from asking the right questions... "What can I learn from this situation?"
When you don't know what to do, do the next basic right thing.
Obstacles are the things you see when you take your eyes OFF the goal.
A good reputation is of more value than great riches.
Guarding our words spares us unnecessary trouble. Want to quickly gain more peace in your life? Decide now to only give advice when asked!
In order to motivate people and release their potential, one thing is required ... you will need to believe in them.
Neither affluence nor education can surpass simple tenacity in the pursuit of success.
Do not withhold good from the one it is due.
The first lies we need to learn to avoid, are the ones spoken by our fears.
Anxiety in the heart causes depression; an encouraging word can bring peace.
Take care of what's important to God and He will take care of what's important to you!
God reserves His very best for those who leave the choice to Him!
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.
To be trusted is a greater compliment even than to be loved.
When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, we change!. #boundaries
Concentrate on the condition you want not the one you are trying to dispose of.
Treat others as they can be and that is what they become.
We never miss the water until the well runs dry.
Relinquish what isn't working for you ... and you become all you are meant to be!
Consider when you have been wronged that if they are able to live "with it" you are able to live "without it".
Whatever you look for in any given circumstance, you will find. Look for the good, that's what you will find; look for the bad, that's all you will see.
The best days of life begin when you learn to want what you have as opposed to having what you want.
Love is my commitment to the welfare of another.
Perhaps our time here is not so much to accomplish tasks but more to enjoy the presence of God in childlike wonder.
Attempting to solve problems with the same mindset that created them is a waste of time.
If people gossip with you, they will gossip about you.
Love the people who treat you well. Pray for the ones who don’t.
Learn not to trade what you want most for what you want right now.
Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
If you need undivided devotion; get a dog.
Whatever you do, do it without grumbling. Grumbling makes every task more burdensome.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
Don’t feed your mind or body with bad things.
Learn to enjoy your own company. Solitude can be empowering.
Sing while in the shower and in the car with children. It helps you to engage, and it helps them to remember.
Fear is an awesome motivator but a cruel taskmaster.
When you do all you can do, God will show up and do what only He can do.
Doing your best trumps not trying when you can’t be the best.
Be thankful in every situation; the good ones for obvious reasons; the difficult ones for the lessons.
There is more opportunity for maturity during adversity than at any other time.
Whatever your current situation, it came to pass, not to stay.
Treat others the way you would like for them to treat you.
If someone will lie to you; they will steal from you.
Live by your values. Work from your passion and strengths.
Every situation can be a win-win. You either win it or you get the lesson from it.
Relinquish your past mistakes, and accept yourself with laughter.
Say what you mean, and truly mean what you say.
Let challenges bring growth, not create excuses.
Let go of resistance and you find peace.
Ask engaging questions to build authentic relationships.
Be alert to the moments that take your breath away.
Manage stress well in order to have the emotional energy to deal with the issues in life.
Resolve conflict before it becomes resentment.
You can have results or excuses, but not both!
Catch a sunset every chance you get.
Enjoy your work everyday. If you can't, find work that will enable you to.
Leave a legacy to your children that will carry them all of their lives.
Develop an openness to learn new things.
Memorize as many of God’s promises as possible.
Remind yourself to slow down, sip the coffee, smell the roses, and smile for no reason.
Cease from strife and worry. All things work out in God’s time.
Trust God’s heart when you can’t see His hand.
Make amends and work out your conflicts.
Avoid destructive habits and people.
Keep your commitments.
Be a person of your word.
Don’t return evil for evil; overcome it with good.
Do as much good as you can, as often as you can.
Pray to God with real words in a real way.
Find a little humor in every situation.
Minimize the things in life that pull you away from what is really important.
Be present at the important events in the lives of those you love.
Realize that the less often you make life “all about you” the more you can enjoy it.
Be fun and pleasant to be with.
Seek to understand rather than to be understood.
Overcome the tendency to judge and replace it with a heart of acceptance.
Live in such a way that the bad things you do are forgiven, and the good things you do bring glory to God and encourage others to seek a better path.
Often, my daughters seem to bring and leave a little sparkle everywhere they go.... I aspire to go higher in doing that as well.
May the wisdom of God and those who have loved you well light your way and make your path clear!
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
I'd love for you to join my online community for Christian Women on Mighty Networks! It's free, it's a safe place where you can connect, share, be encouraged and learn to grow a deeper faith walk with the Lord! Here's the link; I hope to see you on the inside: https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual
I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days
My Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider signing up now (during the developmental stage) to receive huge discounts and Lifetime Access for as long as the program is offered! You'll never get a better opportunity or price!
There are certain laws in place that don’t change such as gravity. There are others that are fairly predictable such as reaping & sowing, and regardless of how you drop a slice of bread, it always lands butter-side-down!
Another seemingly predictable law that is set in motion is judgment. We as humans are always judging. We judge ourselves harshly based on how we 'feel' on the inside and compare that image of ourself to the 'outside' of another who we view when they have their best-foot-forward.
We measure others up one side and down the other.
How nice it would be to become more like my dog who is completely non-judgmental and loves me unconditionally as a result. Remind you of anyone??
It is amazing how often we have done something or have opted not to do something based on what we “think” others would say or think about our choice. This prevents us from being free to live authentically.
How can we best choose where we believe God may be leading if we first have to check in with the judgment panel?
Now, I’m not saying we don’t need accountability and support in our lives. These are extremely important.
People who know us well enough to be a source of support and accountability for us do so based on a certain level of permission we have given them to speak into our lives. They have listened to our hearts and shared in our joys and sorrows.
They are in place because they have earned what I like to call “relational” capital and we seek the investment they make in our lives. We are better because of the check and balance system these folks share with us.
The point I am making is that there are some who really do not have our best interest at heart. They are self-appointed judges to determine and verbalize to us what we need to be doing or not doing or perhaps, doing differently.
A good indicator of relationships with these people is that we basically feel like we have to be defensive to protect our treasures, i.e. our thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams around them because they “feel” they have the right to have a “say” in the choices we make.
Whether or not we have given permission for certain people to speak into our lives, we are training them that this is acceptable behavior unless we are pro-active.
It may be necessary to communicate that we are able to make our choices and ask for help when needed, or we may find ourselves paralyzed to move forward based on what we “think” they may “think” we should or should not do.
This limits our ability to live freely and often to achieve greater things in life.
I believe those we have invited to speak truth into our lives sometimes may need to tell us what we need to hear. This can greatly benefit us because the view they see may be more accurate than the one we 'see' or 'think' we see.
If those who are commited to our welfare will be refreshingly honest with us we can grow.
However, if we have significant people in our lives routinely tell us what we want to hear, they really do more harm than good.
If someone cares and respects us, they will set their pre-judgments aside and truly listen with an intent to help us discern what would be best for us in the way of creating a life we desire.
When we are making choices that align with our overall direction in life, they can cheerlead and urge us on.
When we are considering a choice that is not in alignment, they have the courage and permission to remind us of our hopes and desires and question us on where we are in the journey.
The key difference is that someone who believes in us and respects our choices and our right to make them, will ASK questions as opposed to TELL us what they think.
The “telling” part and the asking of “Why” often makes it seem we are backed in a corner. The result is that we may become defensive and make bad choices to “prove” that we can do whatever we want. Nobody wins in this cycle.
I believe God has ignited a candle of passion within each of us to pro-actively seek the purpose(s) He has for us.
We will experience the greatest peace and contentment when we are actively pursuing the path that lets us live out the purposes that we are passionate about.
It is also a journey of continual learning and growth. We are all designed for greatness in the things that matter most in our lives.
We can best achieve this by aligning our will with God’s, having wise counsel and finding our gifting and passion by working and living within these areas.
The best analogy I can have for going against our passion and trying to do life or work a job for some other reason, such as money, prestige etc. is that of certain hair types. (I was in the hair industry for many years!)
Often people with curly hair spend countless hours and dollars trying to straighten and smooth down their hair. While folks with fine, straight hair are trying to color, perm and add volume to their hair, also at a great cost of time, money and frustration.
I often recommended that they work “with” what they have and not "against" it.
In order to get over believing that what other people think about us is so important, it is wise to remember that their opinions of us are really none of our business.
What difference do their opinions make? That all depends on whether we choose to allow it to make a difference or not. The freedom to choose is ours. The power to choose can be ours or we can pass that off if we listen too long to the voices of what others “think”.
I am reminded of a quote that I love from our pastor at our former church in the Atlanta area. He would say to be properly aligned with truth, we need to realize that we often struggle with: "I am who I THINK you THINK I am".
Since that's a tongue-twister at best, here are my thoughts..... If I am overly concerned (and over-thinking) what I believe you think of me, I begin to believe (and likely emulate) whatever it is I think you are thinking of me.
However, IF I were to choose to let the "YOU" in that quote be God alone, my whole understanding can change.
I know certain truths about God... He loves me unconditionally. He says I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. He tells me He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb. He gave His Son to take my place so I could choose Him and spend eternity in His presence.
So, if I CHOOSE to take God at His Word, this can change everything about the way I 'see' me and I can joyfully align with "I am WHO I THINK God THINKS I am!" Wow, how refreshing is that?!?!?
What is the big fear of what others may judge us to be or not be? More than likely it is a fear of failure or a fear of rejection.
But in reality, what’s the big deal if something doesn’t work the way we had hoped or the outcome doesn't look the way we envisioned? And what if, everyone doesn't love us like Jesus?
We can choose to simply try again, the next time we will have more experience. We never truly “fail” unless we quit trying to find a way to get to an outcome that we can be satisfied with.
And we can choose to accept that we are not going to connect on a deep level with some people. And that is okay.
I believe if we have 3-5 really close friends that we connect with on a routine basis, we are among the richest people in the world.... rich in what truly matters!
The best way to face the fear of what others think and get through to living the life we choose is simply to visualize the worst case scenario and ask ourselves what would we do if this or that happens?
We can play it out in our mind (or on paper) and often begin to see things that may not have been as clear when our idea was merely a dream.
My grandmother always said, “when people (the ones who judge) are talking about ‘you’ (or me) they are leaving someone else alone”.
Meaning that the one thing that is certain is that as sure as people will always be talking, they will always be judging. This is something we have no power to change.
But we do have the power to choose.
Do you want to live in the freedom you have to create a life you love, are passionate about and do not need to escape from?
Or are you satisfied to let other people decide what you can or cannot accomplish?
The choice, either way, is up to you!
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
I'd love for you to join my online community for Christian Women on Mighty Networks! It's free, it's a safe place where you can connect, share, be encouraged and learn to grow a deeper faith walk with the Lord! Here's the link; I hope to see you on the inside: https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual
I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days
My Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider signing up now (during the developmental stage) to receive huge discounts and Lifetime Access for as long as the program is offered! You'll never get a better opportunity or price!
I. What Makes Boundaries Important for Healthy Relationships?
"A joy-filled relationship is like a warm cup of coffee on a chilly morning—it wraps around you, warms your heart, and infuses your entire being with a sense of lasting joy."
Healthy boundaries are essential in all of our relationships, since they create a framework for respect, trust, emotional well-being. They guide us in how to set limits on what is acceptable and what is not!. Boundaries define where one person ends and another person begins, ensuring that both individuals have the safety to share their needs, desires, and personal values. They empower us to prioritize our personal well-being rather than compromise our values.
Ultimately, by setting and respecting healthy boundaries, relationships can thrive and grow through mutual respect, understanding, and fulfillment.
Remember, your personal well-being is too important to be compromised by negative patterns. Boundaries allow you to take control of your life, break free from the chains that hold you back, and live a life filled with emotional wholeness and lasting joy!
II. Understanding Negative Patterns and How to Break Free of Them.
Some underlying causes of negative patterns may be due to unmet childhood needs, fear of loss or rejection, feelings of neglect or of not being accepted. Breaking free from negative relational patterns begins with reflecting back on our lives and identifying recurring behaviors that have led to undesirable outcomes.
Once negative patterns emerge in relationships they cause unique challenges and inhibit open and honest communication and intimacy. This may lead to resentment if one or both parties begins to feel unheard or disconnected.
Controlling behaviors can erode trust and lead to a loss of self-esteem, especially in important relationships. Consistent neglect or avoidance of emotional connection can result in hurt, resentment, and a breakdown of the relationship. Breaking free from negative relationship patterns requires a commitment to personal growth and support.
Relationship coaching offers invaluable guidance in navigating these challenges and acquiring necessary tools to make lasting change. A faith community with other Christian women in a group coaching environment provides a powerful way to connect and receive support, encouragement and accountability, and may maximize our efforts.
Acknowledging the detrimental impact of negative patterns can motivate us to make changes. Learning to question the narratives we've been telling ourselves and the choices we’ve made helps us to come to understand that God has a better plan for us than continually repeating relational patterns that create chaos. When we have the support we need to gain clarity on our negative patterns and develop the courage to dismantle them, we will find that the changes we long for are not only needed but they are entirely possible!
III. The Power of Boundaries in Cultivating Healthy and Fulfilling Relationships.
Boundaries act as emotional fences that define where we end and where others begin. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is a key aspect of leading a fulfilling life. At the heart of joy-filled relationships is a solid understanding of how boundaries serve as essential guides for taking responsibility for our own emotions and actions, while simultaneously encouraging others to do the same. By effectively communicating our limits, desires, and needs, we can build relationships that are rooted in trust, honesty, and reciprocity, where conflicts are minimized, and communication becomes more authentic and meaningful.
Implementing boundaries helps us conserve our emotional energy by preventing us from falling into unhealthy habits such as people-pleasing, codependency, perfectionism or faking fine. They guide us in recognizing when to say "yes" to activities, opportunities, and relationships that align with our values and aspirations. Equally important, boundaries empower us to say a respectful "no" when something doesn't resonate with us, guarding against resentment and burnout.
While boundaries are crucial for cultivating healthy relationships, it is important to note that they require ongoing communication, flexibility, and empathy. They should be flexible yet firm, consistently adjusted as relationships evolve and grow. By openly discussing boundaries with our loved ones, we can create an environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued.
IV. What are the Benefits of Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries?
Since boundaries are the secret to maintaining balance, preserving relationships, and achieving personal growth, let's explore even more of the advantages:
1. Empowerment and Self-Respect: Establishing healthy boundaries empowers us to prioritize our needs and values, and not feel obliged to say yes to everything, allowing us to make choices that align with our authentic self.
2. Reduced Stress and Burnout: Without clear boundaries, it becomes challenging to manage our time and energy effectively. By setting limits on our commitments and responsibilities, we create space to rejuvenate, reduce stress, avoid burnout, and enhance our overall well-being.
3. Improved Relationships: Since boundaries are the framework for healthy relationships, they are a blueprint for mutual respect, trust, and communicating our limits, needs, and expectations, helping ensure that our relationships are a source of joy and not chaos.
4. Enhanced Productivity and Focus: When our boundaries are intact, we can devote the necessary energy to our tasks without distractions or interruptions. We are able to create a structured environment that allows us to focus on priorities and becoming more effective and efficient in our endeavors.
5. Improved Emotional Maturity: By understanding and communicating our emotions and needs, we are able to protect our mental and emotional well-being and manage challenging situations with more grace and resilience.
6. Personal Growth and Development: Boundaries serve as a catalyst for personal growth and development. Saying no to what does not align with our goals and values creates space for personal and professional growth. By mastering the art of establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, we are able to eliminate old patterns, beliefs, and limitations and become more intentional on our journey to a more fulfilling, authentic, and empowered life.
V. Creating Joy-Filled Relationships
Toxic relationships, self-sabotaging behaviors and fear-based mindsets will consistently derail our efforts, drain our energy and hinder our growth and ability to create a life we won’t need to try to escape from.
Are you tired of falling into the same negative patterns in your relationships? Do you find yourself feeling stuck, frustrated, and emotionally drained by repetitive cycles of conflict and disappointment? Don't let negative patterns dictate the course of your relationships any longer. It's time to break free….
Are you Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries?
Since successfully navigating the challenges of divorce, abandonment and a host of other relationship challenges in both my childhood and in marriage, I have spent over 20 years working with numerous women, mostly Christian, and helping to equip them with the necessary tools and strategies to learn to create God-honoring relationships and emotional wellness that brings lasting joy!
At the encouragement and financial provision from my mother, I attended Christian Leadership Coach training in 2007-2008. After completing the training and being mentored by other coaches, I received my Master Christian Life Coaching Certification in 2012. This journey has been one of joy and tears as I've certainly learned that I can't coach or lead where I won't go. God has taken me through the journey of reflecting on my life and identifying negative relational patterns that have held me in bondage and He has taught me a better way to do life and relationships. I am super passionate about coaching other Christian women through their transformational journeys.
Relationship Coaching in a supportive group environment of other Christian women on similar journeys will empower you to gain the confidence you need to challenge your limiting beliefs and unhealthy habits so you can think and live differently. The hope, insight and wisdom available to you will provide an excellent opportunity to be equipped for developing emotional wholeness and cultivating safe relationships that enhance your life. The key factor for creating the joy-filled relationships you desire is your commitment to personal growth.
Your journey towards a more balanced and enriching life, a deeper, more intimate walk with Christ and learning to create Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships℠ is not only possible, it is closer than you might think!
Stay tuned for more information regarding a Monthly Facebook Live Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships Group Coaching Event that will kick off (ETA September 2023). I am super excited to offer this free monthly event to all Christian Women in the Facebook Group, "Joy-Filled Relationships aka Boundaries".
Additionally, this event will coincide with the Launch of my Coaching Business. You can stay up-to-date by checking my website (currently being built) JoyFilledRelationships.com.
Other things in the works, are my online coaching program, including live weekly coaching, online courses, and my Joy-Filled ❤️ Relationships Podcast. There is lots happening in my world and I would greatly appreciate your prayers for God's continued guidance as well as for the hearts and minds of women who are and have been praying for answers and guidance in these types of relationship challenges.
Please feel free to reach out to me by clicking on the ‘Contact Me’ tab on my site with any questions you may have. I will be offering a *30-minute consult to any Christian women who are interested in learning more, beginning August 1, 2023.
Please feel free to share!
Until next time… -Sheri xo
*A link will be on this site once we open the door for consults.
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
I'd love for you to join my online community for Christian Women on Mighty Networks! It's free, it's a safe place where you can connect, share, be encouraged and learn to grow a deeper faith walk with the Lord! Here's the link; I hope to see you on the inside: https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual
I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days
My Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider signing up now (during the developmental stage) to receive huge discounts and Lifetime Access for as long as the program is offered! You'll never get a better opportunity or price!
Consider the mindset that you enjoy on vacation. You are free to set your own schedule, not worrying about what you have to do today, not worrying about the time — just being — minus the anxiety.
Now imagine the mindset of being busy at work or in any of your important endeavors: doing one task while being anxious about many others, worrying that you may not be doing the right task, interrupted by others, distracted and stressed.
These are two different mindsets, and yet, what if we could enjoy the vacation mind while working?
Well, we would need to forego the lazing around, but the mindset could be the same. This has the potential to result in a more sane lifestyle, not just living for the weekend or the little vacation time we have, but the ability to navigate life so that we are truly happier every day.
How can this be done? We would need to practice and develop a few small habits, that will make more sense as we go along.
WHAT WOULD THE VACATION MIND LOOK LIKE AT WORK?
Often just thinking about work tasks can alter our mindset from relaxation to anxiety: worry for what we need to do, deadlines, dealing with difficult people, information overload, being on the right task, even concerns as to whether we may be missing out on something important. A life, perhaps :-)
A vacation mindset lets the anxiety go and is simply present in the current moment. Time is less important, enjoying yourself is the priority. You let go of the anxiety. You aren’t worried about getting it all done, or doing the right thing right now, or all the things you have to do later.
You are immersed in the task you are working on and are able to set a pace of doing it so that you can enjoy the present moment.
So how would this look? You choose to work on a particular task, perhaps writing something. You, obviously, have quite a list of things to do but this is the thing you decide to work on at the moment.
Could there be other things you should be doing instead? Of course, there always are and will continue to be. Imagine for a moment how efficient you can become if what you are doing and what you are focused on are actually one and the same.
I would venture to say that several things could happen.
You might find that you actually enjoy what you are doing when you aren't constantly having to pull your focus back from what you are concerned about.... or maybe because you don't want to do the hard work of focusing on the task at hand, your mind wanders (and takes your fingers on the keyboard with it), to shop or research online.
This is where it is easier to lose focus and get even more behind in the project that we are working on.
As for the best thing to do right now, the moment of perfect certainty never comes, so just pick something and do it in a manner that affords you time to be intentional, consistent, and to apply your level of expertise and experience. No short cuts. Be ready to sign your name to the final draft.
If you want to touch on a healthy dose of self-esteem, this is the thing that gets you there. There is no amount of framed or engraved awards that will ever bring the self-satisfaction of that of a job we've done so well that we are excited to see it again and again, revisit the effort and enjoyment as well as share the finished product.
By practicing being able to enjoy the task at hand we are able to be more present, which is must less exhausting than attempting to juggle too many plates.
Let other tasks take their rightful place, the time to do them will come. Immerse yourself in the current task. Focus on enjoying yourself as you do it.
At times, you may mentally step back, come up for air and take a look at the bigger picture, and then return back to the project. This is what I like to call “laser-focus”.
And you can do this when you talk with a co-worker or client. You can do this with an important email, or processing paperwork, small tasks, designing something, programming, creating art, helping a patient or student. This is a learned strategy. It is a discipline that is easily doable.
However, we can’t just flip a switch and be good at these things today … they do take practice, like any other skill, but in the long run, I can say that they’re worth practicing, even if you never master them, because they can transform your relationship with work and any important endeavor that you undertake.
Here are some helpful practices that you can consider working on a little every day:
-Pick something, get immersed in the act of being creative. Focus on the enjoyment of creating something that is uniquely your idea. Being able to work from this relaxing mindset affords you the time to think with a higher level of energy. This will play out in everything you endeavor to do.
-Let go of anxieties. This takes practice. Learn to recognize when you begin to feel anxious and notice the source of the anxiety. This is typically focusing on an outcome you want to happen, such as, looking good in front of others, being highly productive, controlling a situation, etc. Realize the desired outcome is merely a fantasy, and other outcomes can work out just as well. Realize that holding on to this fantasy of how it should turn out causes stress. Let go and restore your creative energy mindset.
-Come up for air and see the big picture. Diving in is goal, and, it is also helpful to step back at times, and assess what is going on around you. Notice people who are nearby and if anyone needs your attention, how you’re sitting (and whether you’re sitting too long), etc. Is there an appointment you should get to? See the big picture, then go back into immersion.
-Be less worried about time. Time is important but we can be mindful of it while not being “lorded over” by it. It matters that we show up on time for appointments we have, paying attention to completion deadlines, billing clients etc. There are times when we can waste time worrying about the time we need to do or not be doing something. Practice a balance of being aware of when time matters and when there can be some leeway.
You may be considering if this is truly doable. The answer depends on you. You’ll be surprised what you can do — if you have the “want to”.
At the end of the day, you'll feel more energetic over the good things you've accomplished. This will help you to be less stressed, treat yourself (and others) better and ultimately, to create a life you don't need to escape from.
There are so many ways we can let our 'have-to-do' items (we have to work to make a living) spill all over our 'would-like-to-do' items.
When we aren't fully focused on what we're doing, we can spend an inordinate amount of time worrying and stressing over what we could've-should've done differently.
We can pretty much eliminate this drama by simply practicing doing our tasks (if we have a career, our own business, or are retired and have personal projects) in a manner that allows us to be vacationally-minded.
When I think about the truth behind taking a calmer pace, besides the tortoise and the hare, I am reminded of a story my mother shared with me years ago when I first began driving.
My mother had a lead foot... and she treated it like a badge. LOL. However, when I started driving, she had some teachable moments to share.
She told me about driving home to our hometown, Pembroke, Georgia, every weekend when she was working 2 hours away. Numerous times she had gotten warnings after being pulled over by a police officer, and occasionally, a speeding ticket.
After one particular time when she received a ticket, she brought up to her supervisor how frustrating her drive was: there was no interstate (at the time), all the small towns with their speed limit signs and the endless redlights.
He nodded in a kind and knowing manner and mentioned that in a situation such as she had described that passing everyone and being in a constant hurry really was a waste of time and stress. He told her to pay attention on her next drive to all the cars she passed. He said she may be surprised to find that at the traffic lights when she had to stop, she would likely see a number of the same cars she had passed, lined up right behind her. She accepted the challenge and noted that he was absolutely correct!
I still exercise this practice today because I love taking a back road. You can't miss me when I do, I'm the car you'll pass and who will leisurely pull up behind you at the next traffic light. So when you look back in your rearview mirror, just throw up your hand and remember I'm smiling right back at you.... with a little less stress :-)
Until next time....
-Sheri xo
Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*
*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ!
Are YOU Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries and create Joy-Filled ❤️Relationships? If so, we need to talk!
I'd love for you to join my online community for Christian Women on Mighty Networks! It's free, it's a safe place where you can connect, share, be encouraged and learn to grow a deeper faith walk with the Lord! Here's the link; I hope to see you on the inside: https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual
I'd like to invite you to Join me on a 5-day Journey to do a deeper dive into discovering how you can find and maintain more joy-filled relationships... Sign up for Free here: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/landing/five-days
My Online Group Coaching Program has begun -- https://joyfilledrelationships.com/application. Consider signing up now (during the developmental stage) to receive huge discounts and Lifetime Access for as long as the program is offered! You'll never get a better opportunity or price!
