I have conversations with many women who have experienced lives with a lot of cool happenings. They are from all walks of life and all kinds of backgrounds. They are from all education levels as well as from all levels of what the world may measure as 'success'.

One of the things that seems to be present in most every deep conversation that I have with anyone is the heart's cry for the desire to have a feeling of “worthiness” or “appreciation” or “validation”. 

I hear successful, seasoned, articulate, people, appearing almost child-like, expressing a single hope … to feel that they are valued by someone or some organization or team that they hold in high regard. In essence, they echo a very strong desire that is present in many of us … How can I cultivate feelings of self-worth or value from those that I 'need' to validate me so that I can know that I am okay?

The thing I am beginning to see is that contrary to our first initial response to this idea in our minds, self-esteem or self-worth does not come from someone else to us. 

It comes from the inside out. It is part of a transformation process whereby we learn to not listen to the internal critic we have that tells us how and where we are lacking. The negative and hurtful voice that reminds us of every failure and each time we have missed 'the' mark.

To counteract this unwelcome conversation, we can remind ourselves of the value God has placed on us.

If it's not entirely clear to you how big of a sacrifice God made for us in giving His Son to trade places with us by taking on our sin so that we might gain His righteousness, ask yourself who would you be willing to give up your child for.... especially, if they didn't even show signs of wanting or needing your sacrifice.

The Creator of the Universe decided that you and I were important enough for Him to give the greatest gift. 

With this understanding, I can get behind the idea that there must be something in my life that holds value and a special place for God, since He gave it all for me and for you!

Self-esteem in it’s most simplest definition is … doing the next basic right thing that God shows us … even if we do not ‘feel’ like it. This is turn, gives us a sense of well-being, security and not one of being dependent on someone else's approval.

When we do a super job on something, and we all do this at times, we truly know deep down, that it was a fabulous effort and success on our part and it lifts us up. Even if no one else noticed or complimented us. We just know.

That's how understanding our value and the truth that 'We are Enough' is reflected back through us. It is from the inside out. It is a gentle knowing that we stepped up to the plate, gave it our all and it worked!

We are dependent on God alone to lead us by His Word, His Spirit and the godly wisdom of those who live in accordance with His Will that He places in our lives.

You may be thinking, that sounds pretty simple. 

The concept is simple, the training and reprogramming of our minds to receive or act on this revelation is limited only by one thing … our rejection of the idea that building our self-esteem is dependent solely on the choices we make. 

Especially, since when it comes to our choices and decisions, the moment of 'perfect' certainty NEVER comes. Yet, hindsight is 20/20.

A little good news. God can uses our less-than-stellar and bad choices just as easily as He can use our good ones.

Oh, it's not as easy for us... but this can be the sandpaper that He uses to shape our character and smooth out the future of our journeys.

We have, for far too long, marinated on the idea that we need the approval and acceptance of others to feel whole.

So, here’s the good news and the bad news … YOU are in the driver’s seat of your own feelings of self-worth.

Whether we feel competent or able to build personal self-esteem, we can do it. Move confidently in the knowledge that YOU are a unique and gifted individual, loved by a Perfect and Holy God who ONLY wants what is best for you.

Each of us are created in God’s image and according to His design. What we do with what He has given us to work with is best determined by surrendering all of the hopeless feelings that come from depending on anyone else, but God, to make us feel a particular way … um better.

By surrender, I'm not talking about our initial decision to follow Christ as much as our decision to allow Him to conform our will to His. This process comes after we have accepted His gift of salvation.

When I finally began to understand that surrendering to His ways (by recognizing that my ways can be pretty costly at times), I learned that His sanctification process (that's the part where He's making us like Jesus), is actually quite easy to understand (not an easy path, but definitely a clear path). 

He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to place our faith in His ability to work all things together for our good.

We can't do that while still holding the reins.

As I began to step fully into surrender (not a once-and-done thing... this is where we take up our cross and die daily to ourselves), I found that the answer to most of the major decisions and choices in my life have been made for me by God. And, as/if I wait on Him, He truly makes them abundantly clear at the right time.

We, as navigators of our own little universe, often find it hard to simply, wait. We would rather do just about anything else!

We often tell ourselves that time is 'a wastin' while we are waiting. 

A little more good news. The Holy Spirit leads, but the devil drives. (Guess who always wants us to hurry on to the next thing!)

Think about how God creates. He made the heavens and the earth in 6 days (not here to argue whether it is a literal six days), but He's been working on heaven for 6000+ years. Can you imagine how awesome it must/will be? 

That will make living down here about the same as living in a trash can.... so if God is perfect and He is waiting for the right time, why should we try to hurry through our 70-80-90 years?

When having a down day … instead of sitting around feeling down about all the things that cannot be changed, do the next basic right thing in your world … consider the things that can be changed and get to it.. at a pace that doesn't overwhelm you. It's not a sprint; it's a marathon. 

Wash the car, walk the dog, clean the closet, pray, reach out to encourage someone else that is going through something that is obviously more difficult than the “down” day you are experiencing. 

When you get up, show up and do the next basic right thing, you will be completely amazed at how it transforms feelings of unworthiness or hopelessness into positive ideas that provide the necessary emotional fuel (stamina) we need to truly understand our value.

The Bible teaches us to think (consider, meditate) on the things that are good, lovely and of a good report. 

God has put within each of us, a tiny little voice that whispers, “this is the way to go or the thing to do…" So, we have the option to go confidently in that direction. 

It's not nearly as important how people respond and react to you as it is how to respond to His still, quiet whispers. It is in quietness, that you will find your strength and your confidence to move in the direction He is leading.

Our feelings may appear to be insurmountable walls, but they are in reality, nothing more than perceived blockades that keep us from what we truly long for. 

No other person can build us in a way that is sustainable. God has designed us and has great purpose for us. The greatest enemy we have at times is our own passivity. 

Passivity, being the inability or unwillingness, to ‘push against’ the inhibiting thoughts and feelings that limit us and keep us from experiencing the simple joys and pleasures of each day we are given.

For each of us, there is a sweet spot of daily living and it is the same rhythm that leads us to maturity. It is simply choosing to do the right thing, regardless of how we feel about it. 

What we think or focus on will impact what we believe. What we believe is what we will do and how we will live.

So, the question in any given situation becomes, What am I able to do in this situation? 

Relinquish what you cannot change and you will become all you are meant to be.

And, by all means, e l i m i n a t e – every excuse for not doing all that you are able to do … to envision in your own mind, the YOU that God sees!

The greatest impact you will have is the life you will live out with those in your circle of influence. 

It isn't rocket science; it's intentional living...

And the answer is.... 

Yes, You are Enough!!

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

Sheri Geyer is a Relationship Coach for Christian Women*

*And women seeking to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ! 

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