Blog Category: avoid chaos

Before we can cultivate 'safe' relationships, we have to know what that even looks like. 

Being 'safe' means being free from harm and risk. Think on that for a moment. We feel safe when we lock our doors, wear seatbelts, wear the correct gear on our adventures and stay within our boundaries. We keep our valuables in a safe. When the base runner touches homeplate without being tagged, he is safe. 

As noted, each of these instances allow us to experience freedom from harm or risk, at least it is the best 'we' can do. Accidents can still happen when we wear our seatbelts or protective gear; however, if something were to happen and we and those we hold dear are protected to the best of our ability, we may experience less regret or trauma, especially if the unthinkable happens.

What is a 'safe' person, you may ask. Great question. I have a very succinct and accurate definition of what I believe describes someone who is a safe person.

"A safe person is someone who does not put you on edge". 

Although, a simple definition, I want to break this down into a more definitive description because I believe when it comes to relationships, our emotions can play a huge part in the people we 'choose' to be in relationship with.

So, let me add a dose of logic.

Safe People help us to grow and become better people. Here are some ways they add value to our lives;

*They listen to us.

*They are relatable, not attempting to be perfect or trying to control or fix us.

*They are reliable to follow through on their promises when they say they will do something or be somewhere.

*They accept us without judgment.

*They manage their emotions.

*We can be ourselves around them.

*We are able to trust them.

*They treat themselves and others well.

We cannot very well understand what a safe relationship might look like unless we are aware of what we are facing if we deal with 'unsafe' relationships. 

Unsafe people can often be characterized as those who abandon us when they aren't comfortable with what we are saying or facing. They can be critical, speaking truth without love or not willing to offer grace or forgiveness. 

Some unsafe people are simply irresponsible, and make excuses rather than necessary changes. They blame others and aren't willing to own their actions or mistakes. They may borrow and not repay. They add more stress and chaos than joy in our relationships. 

Some unsafe people may be caring and fun. However, their lack of dependability or responsibility can be a source of irritation if they are continually late or neglectful in meeting us at restaurants or important events or in paying back money we may loan them. They may mean well but don't make the effort to communicate in a timely manner or follow through what they say they will do. 

If we continue to allow these behaviors in important relationships without addressing them, we can grow to resent them. They may not necessarily be mean or hurtful toward us, just careless. Continuing to enable these unsafe patterns can be harmful to the relationship.

God's Word teaches us that others will know we are followers of Jesus by our love for Him and for them. We can better demonstrate our love for others when the close relationships that support us are with safe people.

Safe relationships offer us the comfort of being supported by folks who will take responsibility for doing the hard work in life which at times can be difficult. 

If I were to step outside when it's raining and slip and fall, it would not be my fault. However, I would have to be the one to take the initiative to see a doctor, possibly face surgery, go to physical therapy and rest so my body can heal. This would be the hard work needed to restore health to my body.

Or the other option I could choose if I were an unsafe person, would be to not be pro-active in taking action for what my body may need to heal. 

I could stay angry, stuck and bitter for a long time. I could blame others for the situation. 

God caused it to rain. The contractor who designed my driveway was incompetent. Yada yada yada...

I could hold onto what happened to me with a vengeance as though I am a victim. I could continually complain and ruminate over it to anyone who cared enough to listen for as long as I could get away with it. I could wear my pain like a badge.

A lot of what separates safe and unsafe people is the willingness or lack thereof, to own their lives and the fact that sometimes difficult things happen. Not everything that happens is caused by someone else's negligence. And God can work it all together for good if we allow Him to. Even if it's a hard thing.

Another thing that can differentiate between a safe or unsafe person is the willingness to always be truthful. Period. No excuses. 

Regardless of where we are in life and where we've been, we can move ourselves toward being more of a safe person by taking responsibility to do the things that we need to do to manage our lives well. 

My grandmother often said that anytime I was pointing at someone else (as the problem), I have three fingers pointing back at me. (Make a fist and then point with your index finger... your middle finger, ring finger and pinky are all pointing back at you). 

If I am to live my best life, it must begin with me accepting what I cannot change, changing whatever I can... and leaning on God to learn the difference.

One of the great things about finding supportive, safe relationships is that safe people actually have a better capacity and desire to connect and have close relationships. That's not always true for those who are not safe. 

You are likely to receive true compassion and empathy from safe people. As well as experiencing them being willing to act on their compassion, as opposed to just talking about it. Or being showy about it.

Safe people will show up for us, keep our secrets, pray with us, apologize when they've hurt us and mean it, forgive us, be a positive influence, not flatter us, always tell us what we need to hear, and be someone we can rely on to be consistent as opposed to unstable.

One of the best gifts you will ever give yourself is to find and become a safe person. We do become like those we associate with. 

I'm not saying we are to give up every relationship we have unless these people fit the bill that I've described. However, there is a snowball effect of becoming a safe person. When we surround ourselves with people who live out the principles of God's Word, eventually we become safe(r) people as well.

That being said, we can then positively influence all of our relationships by being safe for them to learn and grow. We do this by being open to feedback and not defensive. We cease faking fine and admit our weaknesses. 

We are able to be spiritual instead of religious when we deal with our issues rather than refuse to take responsibility for them. With the right relationships in our lives, we learn humility and the ability to change things that we need to change. 

As we gain more safety, we will be one that others can trust.

If you desire to learn more about Safe People, here are a few things to consider. Find a friend and a support group of individuals who want the same thing. There is a great book, "Safe People" by Christian Psychologists, Henry Cloud & John Townsend that will give you a birdsye view of what it's all about. And finally, face your fear of doing hard things.

One of the ways you can learn more about safe people, setting healthy boundaries and creating joy-filled relationships is to join me live every Tuesday at 12 noon EDT on the Joy-Filled Relationships Mastermind Group for women. You can register here to receive the link and access to an online portal that allows you to view each week's replay: joyfilledrelationships.com/mastermind.

Life balance is often misunderstood. Many people think it simply means that we just need to juggle our plates and successfully keep them all up in the air. 

This would perhaps be in a perfect world. 

But balance doesn’t mean perfection. 

Balance is more about level — in accounting, things must add up. In physics, what goes up, must come down. 

In life, we don’t want to live like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah all the time — we’d be in a code red, high adrenaline, super stress world. Possibly a heart attack or stroke waiting for a place to happen.

Balance is more about a calm and stable default setting that allows us to make decisions based on personal values. 

This level of calm assists us in being assertive and confident in setting healthy limits (personal boundaries) in life and work situations. 

Which, in turn allows us to enjoy our time for rest and relaxation. 

It also aids us in not constantly carrying around mental homework in an effort to to work out all the unknowns in our world.

Balance means that we are more likely to be intentional in the moment ~ and possibly more aware of the moments that take our breath away. 

As opposed to running around wondering if all the work and worry is reducing the number of breaths we have left to take.

As we struggle with these kinds of issues, it often helps reveal to us what we truly want and need when we are seeking “life balance”. 

It is the calmness and security of being able to manage the things we treasure, i.e. our feelings, thoughts, talents, attitudes, behavior, personal well-being, etc. so in effect, we are able to pro-actively confront our issues in life without a perpetual feeling of being overwhelmed.

For me, it’s about owning my life and choosing who and what to allow into it. This has made what is most important in my life — my relationships — more peaceful, loving and respectful. 

I don’t want to stress over things I’m unable to change. I need the energy for the times when I do have stress … or, for the adventure I want to jump into with both feet!

One thing I know I cannot change is others' and how they do life.

And how do I want my life to be different today and everyday? 

I want to intentionally make an effort to live, eat, write, think, work, and focus from a mindset that I personally choose. Not one that I land in every time the unexpected happens. 

It means I have to consciously rework my default settings. And to avoid the negative patterns that reoccur when I am not doing life based on what I value most.

My desire is to have a default setting that is a calm, safe and secure in the knowledge that God will always provide the strength I need day-by-day to manage the life He has given to me. 

When my adrenaline rushes (the extreme) come in, I want to be aware when I am tempted to allow more in my life that I am able to manage. 

God will always provide the time, resources, support and accountability for all He has for me.  

My job is to routinely take the initiative to renew my mind with His truth and love, being strengthened by the relationships I have with those that support and encourage me, as well as the ones that have permission to hold me accountable to do what I say and finish what I start.

My life keeps getting better. Not because of more money or more stuff – but mostly because of more awareness around the true balance I have tapped into by learning that every day holds challenges and successes ~ and that truly what I look for is what I will find, be it bad or good. 

As for me, I want to make the choice each day to live with the mantra, that indeed, 'Life is Good'. 

After all, I’ve got the tee shirt; that should prove it! 

At times, I can laugh at how busy I used to be. I was serious about my ability to be polished in every area. I could be an excellent wife, be a good mom to my three girls, manage my home, organize finances, volunteer when anyone asked, cook, clean etc. 

I could do it all, and then some. At least that is what I would tell myself.

I thought that was the path to peace. All I needed to do was keep all those plates in the air.

Everyone was doing it all, so I wanted to look as good as everyone else. 

As a young stay-at-home mom, I had an extra drive to prove myself because, 'they' were watching to see if I could accomplish this feat. (I still ask myself, "Who are 'They?'") 

I was convinced that more was required. Meals had to be from scratch. I had to use cloth diapers. No shortcuts! 

I didn’t want to do it all. Doing it all made me exhausted. Doing it all cost me relationships with those that mattered most to me. 

It was great. Until it wasn't. Until I realized it was not true at all.


Until I purposefully left the life of chronic busyness, I couldn’t see how futile it really was.

Doing it all caused me stress, loss of sleep and anger when my world was out of my control. 

My busyness was less productive and more chaotic that I would ever admit to.

After all of the disappointment and a few good doses of reality, I made the decision that a overly busy life wasn’t a life for me. 

Being a good person, loving wife, mother and friend…that was the life I wanted. 

Next to that, I wanted the freedom to do things that I was passionate about instead of things that weighed heavy on me because they mostly felt like obligations. Certainly not something I could be cheerful about.

Becoming less busy is not an accident, but a decision we need to make intentionally. 

My epiphany came when I realized that busyness did not necessarily equate to fruitfulness.

The snare of busyness is that sometimes you can be so busy, you don’t recognize you might be in trouble. 

You can become so overwhelmed that you can’t figure out how to change. 

You can get so used to being busy that you create more work to organize your life so you can be even busier with the hopes of accomplishing more. 

And, for what? I was miserable and yet trying to create more misery. A catch-22.

* You respond to “how are you?” with “crazy busy” or “busy but good”

* You spend time worrying about how busy you are going to be tomorrow

* You get angry when your spouse or others who aren’t as busy as you

* You are up at night thinking about everything you didn’t get done

* You let people know how late you stay at work or how much you get done

* You zone out during conversations thinking about all you have to do

* You volunteer for things you don’t care about

* You spend time complaining about how overwhelmed you feel

* You make list after list to make sure you don’t forget anything

* You regularly eat in your car or on the go

* You use your phone in the car because “it’s the only time you have to talk”

If you are anything like I was, you may be busy because you simply don’t know how to be un-busy. 

You may be busy out of misdirected guilt because you think if you do enough, you will be enough. 

When you decide that it is acceptable to live life your way, you can stop being busy and start doing things that matter. 

You can talk about your meaningful day instead of ranting about your busy schedule. 

Decide today that you are enough, even if you never do anything, accomplish anything or produce anything ever again. 

You are enough.

* Be unproductive on purpose

* Limit the times you check email each day

* Delete and toss email that you don’t need to read

* Set your phone to silent and turn your computer off when you aren’t working

* Turn everything off in the car (except the car)

* Put your iPad down

* When you help someone, let it be from love, not obligation

* Do less, be more

* Stop trying to keep up, measure up or catch up

While you may think that you are making sacrifices for others by being busy, you are likely sacrificing the same relationships you think you are saving. 

Get real and consider what is most important to you. Then do that first. The rest will wait.

Practice guarding your life from the thief of busyness…

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

***If over-commitment is an ongoing concern in your life, consider establishing some healthy personal boundaries for yourself. The only thing you have to lose is a default setting that really may not be serving you well.

**If you'd like to see if Boundaries Coaching could help you navigate these challenges, I invite you to consider booking a complimentary 30-minute coaching call with me to gain some insights... Reach out to me: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/blog#contact and I'll provide a link to a complimentary call.

I have conversations with many women who have experienced lives with a lot of cool happenings. They are from all walks of life and all kinds of backgrounds. They are from all education levels as well as from all levels of what the world may measure as 'success'.

One of the things that seems to be present in most every deep conversation that I have with anyone is the heart's cry for the desire to have a feeling of “worthiness” or “appreciation” or “validation”. 

I hear successful, seasoned, articulate, people, appearing almost child-like, expressing a single hope … to feel that they are valued by someone or some organization or team that they hold in high regard. In essence, they echo a very strong desire that is present in many of us … How can I cultivate feelings of self-worth or value from those that I 'need' to validate me so that I can know that I am okay?

The thing I am beginning to see is that contrary to our first initial response to this idea in our minds, self-esteem or self-worth does not come from someone else to us. 

It comes from the inside out. It is part of a transformation process whereby we learn to not listen to the internal critic we have that tells us how and where we are lacking. The negative and hurtful voice that reminds us of every failure and each time we have missed 'the' mark.

To counteract this unwelcome conversation, we can remind ourselves of the value God has placed on us.

If it's not entirely clear to you how big of a sacrifice God made for us in giving His Son to trade places with us by taking on our sin so that we might gain His righteousness, ask yourself who would you be willing to give up your child for.... especially, if they didn't even show signs of wanting or needing your sacrifice.

The Creator of the Universe decided that you and I were important enough for Him to give the greatest gift. 

With this understanding, I can get behind the idea that there must be something in my life that holds value and a special place for God, since He gave it all for me and for you!

Self-esteem in it’s most simplest definition is … doing the next basic right thing that God shows us … even if we do not ‘feel’ like it. This is turn, gives us a sense of well-being, security and not one of being dependent on someone else's approval.

When we do a super job on something, and we all do this at times, we truly know deep down, that it was a fabulous effort and success on our part and it lifts us up. Even if no one else noticed or complimented us. We just know.

That's how understanding our value and the truth that 'We are Enough' is reflected back through us. It is from the inside out. It is a gentle knowing that we stepped up to the plate, gave it our all and it worked!

We are dependent on God alone to lead us by His Word, His Spirit and the godly wisdom of those who live in accordance with His Will that He places in our lives.

You may be thinking, that sounds pretty simple. 

The concept is simple, the training and reprogramming of our minds to receive or act on this revelation is limited only by one thing … our rejection of the idea that building our self-esteem is dependent solely on the choices we make. 

Especially, since when it comes to our choices and decisions, the moment of 'perfect' certainty NEVER comes. Yet, hindsight is 20/20.

A little good news. God can uses our less-than-stellar and bad choices just as easily as He can use our good ones.

Oh, it's not as easy for us... but this can be the sandpaper that He uses to shape our character and smooth out the future of our journeys.

We have, for far too long, marinated on the idea that we need the approval and acceptance of others to feel whole.

So, here’s the good news and the bad news … YOU are in the driver’s seat of your own feelings of self-worth.

Whether we feel competent or able to build personal self-esteem, we can do it. Move confidently in the knowledge that YOU are a unique and gifted individual, loved by a Perfect and Holy God who ONLY wants what is best for you.

Each of us are created in God’s image and according to His design. What we do with what He has given us to work with is best determined by surrendering all of the hopeless feelings that come from depending on anyone else, but God, to make us feel a particular way … um better.

By surrender, I'm not talking about our initial decision to follow Christ as much as our decision to allow Him to conform our will to His. This process comes after we have accepted His gift of salvation.

When I finally began to understand that surrendering to His ways (by recognizing that my ways can be pretty costly at times), I learned that His sanctification process (that's the part where He's making us like Jesus), is actually quite easy to understand (not an easy path, but definitely a clear path). 

He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to place our faith in His ability to work all things together for our good.

We can't do that while still holding the reins.

As I began to step fully into surrender (not a once-and-done thing... this is where we take up our cross and die daily to ourselves), I found that the answer to most of the major decisions and choices in my life have been made for me by God. And, as/if I wait on Him, He truly makes them abundantly clear at the right time.

We, as navigators of our own little universe, often find it hard to simply, wait. We would rather do just about anything else!

We often tell ourselves that time is 'a wastin' while we are waiting. 

A little more good news. The Holy Spirit leads, but the devil drives. (Guess who always wants us to hurry on to the next thing!)

Think about how God creates. He made the heavens and the earth in 6 days (not here to argue whether it is a literal six days), but He's been working on heaven for 6000+ years. Can you imagine how awesome it must/will be? 

That will make living down here about the same as living in a trash can.... so if God is perfect and He is waiting for the right time, why should we try to hurry through our 70-80-90 years?

When having a down day … instead of sitting around feeling down about all the things that cannot be changed, do the next basic right thing in your world … consider the things that can be changed and get to it.. at a pace that doesn't overwhelm you. It's not a sprint; it's a marathon. 

Wash the car, walk the dog, clean the closet, pray, reach out to encourage someone else that is going through something that is obviously more difficult than the “down” day you are experiencing. 

When you get up, show up and do the next basic right thing, you will be completely amazed at how it transforms feelings of unworthiness or hopelessness into positive ideas that provide the necessary emotional fuel (stamina) we need to truly understand our value.

The Bible teaches us to think (consider, meditate) on the things that are good, lovely and of a good report. 

God has put within each of us, a tiny little voice that whispers, “this is the way to go or the thing to do…" So, we have the option to go confidently in that direction. 

It's not nearly as important how people respond and react to you as it is how to respond to His still, quiet whispers. It is in quietness, that you will find your strength and your confidence to move in the direction He is leading.

Our feelings may appear to be insurmountable walls, but they are in reality, nothing more than perceived blockades that keep us from what we truly long for. 

No other person can build us in a way that is sustainable. God has designed us and has great purpose for us. The greatest enemy we have at times is our own passivity. 

Passivity, being the inability or unwillingness, to ‘push against’ the inhibiting thoughts and feelings that limit us and keep us from experiencing the simple joys and pleasures of each day we are given.

For each of us, there is a sweet spot of daily living and it is the same rhythm that leads us to maturity. It is simply choosing to do the right thing, regardless of how we feel about it. 

What we think or focus on will impact what we believe. What we believe is what we will do and how we will live.

So, the question in any given situation becomes, What am I able to do in this situation? 

Relinquish what you cannot change and you will become all you are meant to be.

And, by all means, e l i m i n a t e – every excuse for not doing all that you are able to do … to envision in your own mind, the YOU that God sees!

The greatest impact you will have is the life you will live out with those in your circle of influence. 

It isn't rocket science; it's intentional living...

And the answer is.... 

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

Has it just seemed that when you have contentment in your sights that it just zips away, never to actually be realized? 

It may seem like you are playing a game with contentment. Sort of like basketball. You think I'll go left and I go right. You go right and I'll lean left and the opportunity for you to get the ball seems like an illusion.

Contentment is the fundamental pursuit in each area of life. We want to get the house painted or our certification completed or the kids grown or something that we are convinced will enable us to finally be content. We may constantly hold a belief when we get to this place or that situation happens or this is complete, we will find contentment waiting like a supportive friend. 

The problem with that thinking is that is always future-focused. And that makes it elusive. Because the future will always be... the future, and not the present.

So, how do we find and enjoy contentment here and now, where we live?

It is really a condition of our inner person. Sort of an at-peace-with-me feeling. It is also a foundation to enjoying life and being intentional in the moment. Can it be done? If so, how?

 

Practice delaying gratification. Yes, you can do it! When you consider making a purchase, use patience and consider postponing the ones that are simply for convenience. If you end up purchasing the item later, it will be well thought out. If not, you’ll be happier to have saved the time and money. To the one whom much is given, much is required.

Make a focused effort to remain inspired and to be inspiring. Spend some time each day reading something from the Bible, an inspirational author, or other areas of interest. Spend some time several times each week journaling about experiences you have or about things you've gleaned from what you read, personal encounters you've had, a movie you've watched or perhaps something that came to mind while you were in the shower. You will be amazed at how you can gain such positive perspective from your quiet times. Invest in others by offering an encouraging word in the way of a note, text or call to them when they are working on a particular event or endeavor or are facing a personal trial. Research has shown that our happiness is much more about how we treat others, than even how we are treated by others. Truly, it is more blessed to give than to receive. 

Unplug from the technology of life and plug in to the simpler paths. Change gears for half an hour each day by taking a walk or a bubble bath. Find a neat little hobby such as painting or woodworking or gardening that you can enjoy and de-stress from the working hours in your day. Write a blog — oh, I resemble that! — on something that you have learned in an effort to enlighten others and to reflect back on in the future. Create some new plans or adventures trying some things you may have never done. You may find a new and better lifestyle that fits who you are in the current season of life that you are in.

Get a mentor – be a mentor. Spend time with people you admire and learn about their lives and interests. They can be living instructional aids to learning how to do things in a different, possibly, more efficient way. Find ways that you can share things with those who can gain a lot by your experiences or teach a class that will be beneficial to others who may not have had all of your experiences . Show appreciation for what you learn and for the opportunity to share. I especially enjoy spending time with young children and mature adults. The wealth of information and the creativity amuse and inspire me.

Reach out and get to know a neighbor at home or work. Don’t worry, if you’re the new-bee you can still take the initiative. Every friend we have was once a stranger. Be observant in watching for common interests. Maybe you both have kids the same age, have dogs to walk, or at work, someone who goes to lunch at the same time as you. When we consider what the feeling of 'home' is like, it has as much to do with the community where we live as the actual home we live in. It's wonderful to have the neighbors and friends that check in with you if they notice things that are out of your normal routine of coming and going. Host a night of dinner and games or even a neighborhood clean-up. It will radically increase your feelings of connectedness and the contentment of knowing you can make a difference right where you are.

Practice learning to be a great listener. By doing so, you will learn the true art of emotional intelligence and the high quality of “likeability”. When you work to listen to others at deeper levels, you communicate to them that you place high value on them and the time they spend with you. You will also learn how to take the focus off of your own issues and personal challenges and be an encourager to others. This goes a long way in developing strong friendships. And, when you build relational capital by listening, you may very well find that you have a great friend and listening ear in place when you are in need of sharing your heart.

Practice these steps on a regular basis for 30 days and judge for yourself if you don’t have a life that can be defined as being more content. And the good news is that if you are around people who are discontent, you may be the one to influence them to a more positive stance.

The one you encourage today, may be YOU!

Until next time....

-Sheri xo 

Hey! I'm excited to invite you to a new and free online community for Christian Women. It's a safe place to connect, share, encourage and be encouraged and deepen your relationship with God and others. And, unlike social media platforms, there are not ads, data collecting or other distractions. I'm providing a link for you to join! I hope to see you https://joy-filled-relationships.mn.co/share/S_dOjQT7-iqLg9B1?utm_source=manual

It would be a nice reminder to respond to the “facts” about our life situations if people asked us, “What is true about your life today?”, or “What is going on that you can impact to make a difference?” This, possibly, could become a trigger to think on what is true about our lives as opposed to what we “feel” is true about our lives.

We can easily become overly concerned about what we ‘think” someone else is ‘thinking’ regarding us. When, in actuality, we or our situation may be the furthest thing from their minds.  When I begin thinking along these lines, I often chuckle to remind myself that I am only ‘kind of a big deal’ in my own mind.

Picture a train, the engine is the power that drives it and the caboose (when used) served to house the crew responsible for track switching and acting as lookouts for load shifting or other concerns.  If we regard the TRUTH about our lives as the engine of the train that drives us, we can move along empowered by making decisions based on what we know to be right. 

If, on the other hand, we are led by our FEELINGS, it is as if we are letting the caboose engineer, (with a limited view), drive our life train and we become disempowered because we can be on a roller coaster driven by emotions and not truth. It is stressful and chaotic at best and ultimately results in, you guessed it, a train wreck!

Have you ever found yourself caught in the battle between facts and feelings? It's a tug-of-war that often leaves us wondering which should dictate our decisions and actions. 

Facts are like sturdy pillars that form the very foundation of truth. They are objective and universally accepted. Facts are based on evidence, research, and practical observations.

When we rely on facts, we make informed decisions grounded in logic and reason. They serve as our compass, assisting us in navigating challenging situations, problem-solving, and discovering new perspectives. 

On the other hand, feelings are subjective, personal, and intimately connected to our experiences. Our feelings are influenced by our values, beliefs, and unique life journeys, making them deeply personal and powerful. They bring color and light to our lives. 

Feelings provide us with clues about our emotional well-being, and help us understand and empathize with others' experiences. Feelings fuel our creativity, compassion, and the pursuit of happiness, creating beautiful connections in our relationships.

Neither facts nor feelings exist in isolation. In fact, they each bring unique wisdom and insights to the table. Recognizing the importance of both is the key to achieving harmony in our lives.

We can use facts to assess situations objectively, gather information, and make informed decisions. But we must also acknowledge our feelings, honoring our emotions and considering the impact they can have on our choices. By carefully integrating logic and empathy, we can make decisions that are both rational and compassionate.

Remember, embracing facts does not mean dismissing feelings, nor does honoring feelings entail disregarding facts. Rather, seeking a balance between the two can guide us towards making choices that are not only rational but also emotionally fulfilling.

Understanding the mindset of facts versus feelings requires us to be intentional in cultivating a belief system that is grounded in the truth about any given situation. This is the truth about what is and not what only may be or could be. It is recognizing the things we have the power to change as well as the ones we will need to learn to accept because we cannot change them.

One way I have found to help in a dilemma about facts versus feelings is to journal the questions, “What am I feeling about the current situation I am facing?” and then, “What is true about the current situation I am facing?” This can really prove to be a game-changer if you are prone to lean into your feelings, which may be assumptions about the way you believe that something is going to turn out.

Our feelings follow our actions, which allows us to be able to choose to do the next basic right thing, when we aren't certain what to do.. This choice will serve us well in developing a belief system that, “what is fact is true”, and “what is assumed, is yet to be determined”. 

Until next time.... 

-Sheri xo