Blog Category: Avoid Stress

Life balance is often misunderstood. Many people think it simply means that we just need to juggle our plates and successfully keep them all up in the air. 

This would perhaps be in a perfect world. 

But balance doesn’t mean perfection. 

Balance is more about level — in accounting, things must add up. In physics, what goes up, must come down. 

In life, we don’t want to live like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah all the time — we’d be in a code red, high adrenaline, super stress world. Possibly a heart attack or stroke waiting for a place to happen.

Balance is more about a calm and stable default setting that allows us to make decisions based on personal values. 

This level of calm assists us in being assertive and confident in setting healthy limits (personal boundaries) in life and work situations. 

Which, in turn allows us to enjoy our time for rest and relaxation. 

It also aids us in not constantly carrying around mental homework in an effort to to work out all the unknowns in our world.

Balance means that we are more likely to be intentional in the moment ~ and possibly more aware of the moments that take our breath away. 

As opposed to running around wondering if all the work and worry is reducing the number of breaths we have left to take.

As we struggle with these kinds of issues, it often helps reveal to us what we truly want and need when we are seeking “life balance”. 

It is the calmness and security of being able to manage the things we treasure, i.e. our feelings, thoughts, talents, attitudes, behavior, personal well-being, etc. so in effect, we are able to pro-actively confront our issues in life without a perpetual feeling of being overwhelmed.

For me, it’s about owning my life and choosing who and what to allow into it. This has made what is most important in my life — my relationships — more peaceful, loving and respectful. 

I don’t want to stress over things I’m unable to change. I need the energy for the times when I do have stress … or, for the adventure I want to jump into with both feet!

One thing I know I cannot change is others' and how they do life.

And how do I want my life to be different today and everyday? 

I want to intentionally make an effort to live, eat, write, think, work, and focus from a mindset that I personally choose. Not one that I land in every time the unexpected happens. 

It means I have to consciously rework my default settings. And to avoid the negative patterns that reoccur when I am not doing life based on what I value most.

My desire is to have a default setting that is a calm, safe and secure in the knowledge that God will always provide the strength I need day-by-day to manage the life He has given to me. 

When my adrenaline rushes (the extreme) come in, I want to be aware when I am tempted to allow more in my life that I am able to manage. 

God will always provide the time, resources, support and accountability for all He has for me.  

My job is to routinely take the initiative to renew my mind with His truth and love, being strengthened by the relationships I have with those that support and encourage me, as well as the ones that have permission to hold me accountable to do what I say and finish what I start.

My life keeps getting better. Not because of more money or more stuff – but mostly because of more awareness around the true balance I have tapped into by learning that every day holds challenges and successes ~ and that truly what I look for is what I will find, be it bad or good. 

As for me, I want to make the choice each day to live with the mantra, that indeed, 'Life is Good'. 

After all, I’ve got the tee shirt; that should prove it! 

At times, I can laugh at how busy I used to be. I was serious about my ability to be polished in every area. I could be an excellent wife, be a good mom to my three girls, manage my home, organize finances, volunteer when anyone asked, cook, clean etc. 

I could do it all, and then some. At least that is what I would tell myself.

I thought that was the path to peace. All I needed to do was keep all those plates in the air.

Everyone was doing it all, so I wanted to look as good as everyone else. 

As a young stay-at-home mom, I had an extra drive to prove myself because, 'they' were watching to see if I could accomplish this feat. (I still ask myself, "Who are 'They?'") 

I was convinced that more was required. Meals had to be from scratch. I had to use cloth diapers. No shortcuts! 

I didn’t want to do it all. Doing it all made me exhausted. Doing it all cost me relationships with those that mattered most to me. 

It was great. Until it wasn't. Until I realized it was not true at all.


Until I purposefully left the life of chronic busyness, I couldn’t see how futile it really was.

Doing it all caused me stress, loss of sleep and anger when my world was out of my control. 

My busyness was less productive and more chaotic that I would ever admit to.

After all of the disappointment and a few good doses of reality, I made the decision that a overly busy life wasn’t a life for me. 

Being a good person, loving wife, mother and friend…that was the life I wanted. 

Next to that, I wanted the freedom to do things that I was passionate about instead of things that weighed heavy on me because they mostly felt like obligations. Certainly not something I could be cheerful about.

Becoming less busy is not an accident, but a decision we need to make intentionally. 

My epiphany came when I realized that busyness did not necessarily equate to fruitfulness.

The snare of busyness is that sometimes you can be so busy, you don’t recognize you might be in trouble. 

You can become so overwhelmed that you can’t figure out how to change. 

You can get so used to being busy that you create more work to organize your life so you can be even busier with the hopes of accomplishing more. 

And, for what? I was miserable and yet trying to create more misery. A catch-22.

* You respond to “how are you?” with “crazy busy” or “busy but good”

* You spend time worrying about how busy you are going to be tomorrow

* You get angry when your spouse or others who aren’t as busy as you

* You are up at night thinking about everything you didn’t get done

* You let people know how late you stay at work or how much you get done

* You zone out during conversations thinking about all you have to do

* You volunteer for things you don’t care about

* You spend time complaining about how overwhelmed you feel

* You make list after list to make sure you don’t forget anything

* You regularly eat in your car or on the go

* You use your phone in the car because “it’s the only time you have to talk”

If you are anything like I was, you may be busy because you simply don’t know how to be un-busy. 

You may be busy out of misdirected guilt because you think if you do enough, you will be enough. 

When you decide that it is acceptable to live life your way, you can stop being busy and start doing things that matter. 

You can talk about your meaningful day instead of ranting about your busy schedule. 

Decide today that you are enough, even if you never do anything, accomplish anything or produce anything ever again. 

You are enough.

* Be unproductive on purpose

* Limit the times you check email each day

* Delete and toss email that you don’t need to read

* Set your phone to silent and turn your computer off when you aren’t working

* Turn everything off in the car (except the car)

* Put your iPad down

* When you help someone, let it be from love, not obligation

* Do less, be more

* Stop trying to keep up, measure up or catch up

While you may think that you are making sacrifices for others by being busy, you are likely sacrificing the same relationships you think you are saving. 

Get real and consider what is most important to you. Then do that first. The rest will wait.

Practice guarding your life from the thief of busyness…

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

***If over-commitment is an ongoing concern in your life, consider establishing some healthy personal boundaries for yourself. The only thing you have to lose is a default setting that really may not be serving you well.

**If you'd like to see if Boundaries Coaching could help you navigate these challenges, I invite you to consider booking a complimentary 30-minute coaching call with me to gain some insights... Reach out to me: https://joyfilledrelationships.com/blog#contact and I'll provide a link to a complimentary call.

Letting go of the need for control is one of the (many) things I have to consistently work on to achieve positive results.

My default setting is that I want to feel in control of how things will turn out — control of a trip that I’m on, or a project I’m handling, how a conversation will go or even getting my dogs to “go” in a timely manner.

Often, it becomes more frustrating than the way I had imagined it could be ~ IF I were truly in control.

Can we ever really control how things will turn out? 

We might think so, but how often do things actually turn out exactly the way we’ve planned?

I know my life has been a series of unexpected outcomes, despite my best intentions to get to certain goals, accomplishments or experiences. 

Even when I reach the end point of certain things that I've endeavored to do, they often turn out to be much different once I achieve them, than I had originally imagined that they would be.

And forget planning for an outcome to go down without a hitch....

I’ve found that when I want to control the outcome of things, I become more anxious and tense. 

I’m less happy with how other people do things, less happy with myself, and less relaxed in the moments that I ordinarily would be able to enjoy. 

My friend called this week to give me an update on something she was 'concerned' would happen. And, guess what, like so many other things we are 'concerned' (worried) about... it ended up working out so much better than she imagined it would. 

Her comment to me was so true. She said, "I used to get so anxious worrying about all the things that I really hoped wouldn't happen. But, I've finally realized. that  things usually work out just as they are supposed to. And, I am thankful that Jesus does this and that I don't have all the anxiety anymore". 

I couldn't agree more. Often, when I get fixated on how something should be for me to be 'okay', it's all I can think about. 

It makes it so hard to focus on what the Lord wants me to learn through this situation as well as others I may be dealing with. 

And, it affects my moods and especially how present I can be with the other happenings I'm currently involved in.

It's such a waste of a day (or a week, or an hour) to be all wrapped up in one thing.... the outcome of something.

Some months back, Jeff and I watched an older movie about a pro golfer who was played by Pat Boone, when he was likely in his 80s. He was mentoring a younger golfer, who played well, but was overly anxious and cocky. 

The movie offered many lines that were wisdom such as I'd expect to hear from my grandmother. One such line was when the pro instructed the younger golfer about something he had observed in him that was causing him to make careless errors. The pro told him that he needed to practice "NATO". 

The younger guy was  bewildered until the pro explained that 'NATO' stands for 'not-attached-to-the-outcome". 

The pro encouraged him to play in the moment. To think and be present in the moment. Not somewhere off on the 18th hole trying to win, when he needed to be focused on where he was and the effort he was making on the hole he was playing. Which, the pro explained, was where he could have the most impact.

How true!! When my focus is on the completion, conclusion or finishing of something, I am not present. I am staked out in the future with much of my emotional stability banking on a particular outcome that I have very limited means of influencing.

I am probably somewhere out in left field looking up for a fly ball that may not even come my way.... so since my focus is off on something I cannot control, I often lose control of where I can make a difference.

This definitely presents a problem in relationships. 

When we become so focused on what the other person needs to monitor, correct, adjust, tweak or otherwise relinquish, we are not manning the post of our own lives.... which is the only thing we can control!

God gave us the fruit of the Spirit, see Galations 5:22-23, to demonstrate the only true control we can really have.  And that is self-control.

If I'm so busy observing (with the intention of catching you doing something that needs to be adjusted), who, then, is monitoring my actions and what I need to be doing? 

What happens when we turn that around and manage what God actually intended us to manage? 

Well, better relationships for one. We become more pleasant to be around when we aren't navigating the pilot's controls from our co-pilot seat.

The hardest thing we may ever do is to simply say nothing while someone is learning the ropes on whatever it is they are doing.

But that's okay. We can do hard things. And we can let others do hard things.  Doing hard things builds character. 

Trying to 'help' other's accomplish their hard things (especially without an invitation) could possibly make us 'quite a character' to deal with.

As adults, the last thing we need is family or friends taking on the role of a parent for us. After all, at 2 years old, we were already declaring, 'Me do it!"

So how can I best deal with this when, at times, it seems to be a reccurring struggle? 

Not to mention that neither my hubby, my daughters, or my family, friends or neighbors have turned over the keys to their lives for me to manage. This could be a indicator that I could be barking up the wrong tree ;)

What I am discovering is that, I am unable to stop myself from 'wanting' to control things. (Wow, can't even control that!! LOL). 

I can’t even stop the urge to control outcomes from coming up in me. I need to become aware when the desire to control things comes. I can choose to let the urge happen, without acting on the emotions that rise up in me, especially if they are truly not the best for me or others.

I’ve found this to be easier said, than done. My goal is to remind myself to see the urge, not as a command that I am required to follow, but simply a suggestion from the child within me. 

I can then be aware to look for the good things that can come from the situation, even if it’s uncontrolled. I don’t need to control things to be able enjoy them.

Let me repeat that (for myself, or course) ... I. Don’t. Need. To. Control. Things. To. Be. Able. To. Enjoy. Them.

I can just let them happen. 

Ironically, what I've learned is that having or being in control has ever only been an illusion anyway. 

God is the only One who is in, or has ever been in, control. 

That said, I still take action. There are things I can control that have a positive effect on me and hopefully on those important to me:

I can educate myself regarding a trip, simply because I’m curious about a new adventure. 

I can be free to let conversations flow naturally. 

And my furry friends can take their leisure in enjoying being outside without me pressuring them to “hurry up”. 

These are all simply stress-management exercises from which I can greatly benefit.

So, in discovering that I really was living in an illusion of control and not actual control.....I did the only thing I knew to do.... 

I turned in my resignation as Master of the Universe.  The pay wasn't worth it anyway! 

Turns out that God wasn't even hiring for the position because He enjoys His work and didn't even need a consultant.... even one who was willing to keep working for, ummmm.... FREE!?!?!

When I keep my focus on what I can control..... (me!), I can experience the freedom of letting go.

I realize I have a choice: I can choose to try to control the outcome and create frustration for myself and those I hold dear, or I can trust in the moment that God has this... and He has me too!

My prayer for me is that I will always choose to trust as often as possible!

Until next time....

-Sheri xo 

It would be a nice reminder to respond to the “facts” about our life situations if people asked us, “What is true about your life today?”, or “What is going on that you can impact to make a difference?” This, possibly, could become a trigger to think on what is true about our lives as opposed to what we “feel” is true about our lives.

We can easily become overly concerned about what we ‘think” someone else is ‘thinking’ regarding us. When, in actuality, we or our situation may be the furthest thing from their minds.  When I begin thinking along these lines, I often chuckle to remind myself that I am only ‘kind of a big deal’ in my own mind.

Picture a train, the engine is the power that drives it and the caboose (when used) served to house the crew responsible for track switching and acting as lookouts for load shifting or other concerns.  If we regard the TRUTH about our lives as the engine of the train that drives us, we can move along empowered by making decisions based on what we know to be right. 

If, on the other hand, we are led by our FEELINGS, it is as if we are letting the caboose engineer, (with a limited view), drive our life train and we become disempowered because we can be on a roller coaster driven by emotions and not truth. It is stressful and chaotic at best and ultimately results in, you guessed it, a train wreck!

Have you ever found yourself caught in the battle between facts and feelings? It's a tug-of-war that often leaves us wondering which should dictate our decisions and actions. 

Facts are like sturdy pillars that form the very foundation of truth. They are objective and universally accepted. Facts are based on evidence, research, and practical observations.

When we rely on facts, we make informed decisions grounded in logic and reason. They serve as our compass, assisting us in navigating challenging situations, problem-solving, and discovering new perspectives. 

On the other hand, feelings are subjective, personal, and intimately connected to our experiences. Our feelings are influenced by our values, beliefs, and unique life journeys, making them deeply personal and powerful. They bring color and light to our lives. 

Feelings provide us with clues about our emotional well-being, and help us understand and empathize with others' experiences. Feelings fuel our creativity, compassion, and the pursuit of happiness, creating beautiful connections in our relationships.

Neither facts nor feelings exist in isolation. In fact, they each bring unique wisdom and insights to the table. Recognizing the importance of both is the key to achieving harmony in our lives.

We can use facts to assess situations objectively, gather information, and make informed decisions. But we must also acknowledge our feelings, honoring our emotions and considering the impact they can have on our choices. By carefully integrating logic and empathy, we can make decisions that are both rational and compassionate.

Remember, embracing facts does not mean dismissing feelings, nor does honoring feelings entail disregarding facts. Rather, seeking a balance between the two can guide us towards making choices that are not only rational but also emotionally fulfilling.

Understanding the mindset of facts versus feelings requires us to be intentional in cultivating a belief system that is grounded in the truth about any given situation. This is the truth about what is and not what only may be or could be. It is recognizing the things we have the power to change as well as the ones we will need to learn to accept because we cannot change them.

One way I have found to help in a dilemma about facts versus feelings is to journal the questions, “What am I feeling about the current situation I am facing?” and then, “What is true about the current situation I am facing?” This can really prove to be a game-changer if you are prone to lean into your feelings, which may be assumptions about the way you believe that something is going to turn out.

Our feelings follow our actions, which allows us to be able to choose to do the next basic right thing, when we aren't certain what to do.. This choice will serve us well in developing a belief system that, “what is fact is true”, and “what is assumed, is yet to be determined”. 

Until next time.... 

-Sheri xo


Do you have a personal or professional relationship in which there always seems to be a level of tension present? Sometimes, the more contact we have with certain people, the more we become aware of a strain in the relationship.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  

How do you determine the shifts you experience in certain relationships? Perhaps, the connection, at one point, was mutually beneficial, but now many times you may feel taken advantage of, even exploited?   What’s the best way to handle such relationships?  

If you answered yes to any of these questions it could be an indication that some personal boundaries are in order to protect yourself by reducing the stress and working to improve the relationship?  What would this look like and how does one do it?  If you’re willing, I’d like to coach you through this a bit by sharing my perspective on boundaries. 

 

Any one or all of these may arise when we position ourselves at the center of others lives, and begin to take responsibility for others that is neither appropriate nor healthy.  When this happens, others may not be aware that we are feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of in the relationship.  Prayerful consideration of a plan to engage them in a loving and honest conversation can be a good place to start.   This would provide an opportunity for mutual feelings and concerns to be shared in an effort to clear up confusion, and help to get the relationship back on an even keel.

However, it is often the case that boundary issues are generally more complicated.  My experience is that persons who regularly disregard others’ boundaries, often referred to as boundary busters, have a hard time hearing “NO”.  

This is very difficult for many of us who consider ourselves peacemakers and we may struggle with the idea that this seems like we would be acting selfishly.  We may find ourselves in this place as a result of having good motives to “esteem others greater than ourselves”. While this is Scripturally correct, I believe it is important here to recognize that Jesus modeled relationships built on mutual voluntary concern for others.  

In the case where He approached the lame man by the pool of Bethesda, He didn’t run over this person’s option to remain in the state he was in.  Jesus asked him if he desired to be healed. In speaking with the rich young ruler, Jesus gave him the “choice” to own responsibility for how he would live.  In both situations, Jesus respected each one’s right to govern their lives by their personal limits.  One man chose well, the other one did not.  The Bible indicates that both men were aware of the responsibilities around their choices.

When you decline to get involved in a particular event or activity, a boundary buster may attempt several strategies to get you to change your ‘no’ to ‘yes’.  You may feel bulldozed into doing what you had originally decided against, and later feel angry and resentful.  Eventually, this anger can begin to create tension in the relationship. It erodes self-esteem by introducing fear that acceptance is based on our compliance.  

I am a previous owner of a barbershop, where I worked for nearly two years before acquiring it from the original owner. One of the women who worked there since the beginning felt privileged around certain financial rewards because she was somewhat of a “star player” on the team.  At the beginning of my ownership, accompanied by my CPA, I laid out the plan for compensation, which was based on commission in a manner that made the playing field level.  

This particular lady, suspecting that she wasn’t getting preferential treatment, began discussing finances with others who worked there.  Upon finding out that everyone was paid at the same rate, she was livid, to the point of reminding me what the previous owner had promised.  After careful consideration, I called a meeting with her and politely laid down the guidelines, acutely aware that if she chose to walk I could very well expect a third of the clientele to follow her.  Still I stuck to my guns.  And, she walked.  She had notified her customers and many followed.  Those who didn’t called and I provided her contact information.  In less than a year, I got word that she had retired, sold her house and moved out of state.  I found this out as a result of about 95% of her clientele resumed coming to the barbershop, and, many, chose to see me personally.  Many commented that they appreciated that I had given them her contact info and came back to the shop because they liked the atmosphere and felt comfortable.

This particular incident was a turning point in my life.  My biggest learning curve around this was that when I choose to set boundaries, having good motives, I can trust that God will always work it out for good.  To this day even though I no longer cut hair, I am in touch with many former customers.  I didn’t rely on the world’s means of provision for my shop.  I learned to believe in a God who has promised never to leave me or forsake me and to always provide for me!

Boundaries are not a means of getting revenge.  They are a means of applying self-control in our lives by giving every relationship we have the opportunity to grow and flourish.  While they may seem harsh or inconsiderate, they are a visible means of communication to others.  

Boundaries, like fences, need to have gates. The gate serves to push the bad out and to receive the good in.  A fence with no gate is nothing more than a wall.

In such situations, a relationship can be put back on track by calmly and assertively establishing limits around what we will or will not tolerate in our lives. This may be met with disbelief or disdain by some, but over time consistent limits will either draw the relationship back into healthy alignment or create distance.  In either case, the level of respect that you are regarded with will typically increase.  

The difficulty here will be in “feeling” that we will lose the relationship.  A different perspective may be that we are setting it up to potentially improve the relationship over time.  It really is loving-kindness toward ourself and the other person when we work to create a safe relationship of mutual regard for one another’s feelings and desires.

A sidebar to the barbershop story is that within several months from the time the former coworker left my shop to work at a different location a few miles away, she actually sent me a card to say “thank you” for directing her clients to her new location.  Thus, respect comes into play around setting appropriate limits in a kind and considerate manner and with a level of consistency that allows the other person to regard you with an assurance that you do, in fact, keep your word.  By establishing these limits early on, you can relax and enjoy more peaceful and loving relationships.  

 
Becoming drawn to those who respect our boundaries, gives us the support we need to develop healthy limits with those with whom we are in a relationship that has some challenges..  We can begin to develop the courage of evaluating our relationships and determining where or when boundaries may need to be placed.  

It is absolutely essential to have support as you begin the process of establishing safe limits in a difficult relationship or situation in life. We also need to be respectful of others’ boundaries. Thus, setting an example of the way we desire to be treated.


Boundaries provide the structure for balance and success in our lives and work. When we learn to value what we are responsible for: such as our feelings, talents, thoughts, attitudes, behavior and personal wellbeing, we can take necessary steps to protect them.  

In protecting our treasures, i.e. guarding our hearts, we are able to allow the good to get in and the bad to stay out. 

Guilty feelings are normal when we begin to establish boundaries.  

Setting limits in our lives may activate a critical internal judge.  When we cease listening to the overactive conscience and respond according to values of love, kindness, responsibility and forgiveness, the feelings of guilt will diminish.  

It is okay for us to say no to things that God would not want for us either.  The difficulty comes when we fear the reactions of others and / or the loss of relationship.  This is why a support system made up of people who will respect our ‘no’ is so important. 

Unless we are free to say “no” we are not truly free to say “yes” out of a heart of love and service.  Anything short of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when we choose is out of obligation and not out of freedom.

If you recognize your need to establish safe and loving boundaries and are uncertain as to where you should begin, consider getting some coaching.  Coaching will provide you the opportunity to express your concerns, receive an objective opinion around your motives, and the opportunity to do a little “role” play to be able to look at the view from both sides of the “fence”.

In addition to learning how to establish limits, coaching provides you with an opportunity to receive support to have those difficult conversations and encouragement as you wait and allow God to do the work in the heart of the other person.

For more information regarding how coaching can help you to establish healthy boundaries, please check out my website at JoyFilledRelationships.com.

Unfortunately, depending on the safety of the situation, boundaries may best be put in motion within the safety of a coach, pastor, counselor or mutual friend of those in the relationship.  If your particular situation could become dangerous, seek the help of those who can offer you the safety that you need, prior to laying the foundation for the needed limits.


Healthy, mature boundaries provide the freedom to establish goals based on personal values. Setting these goals helps us determine our God-given purpose and the balance to better navigate life. 

We make choices based on what we determine to be important and not out of fear of how others may react.   When we are free to say no, we are then free to say yes.  

We build better relationships by setting safe limits and truly being able to live at peace with others.

Until next time....

-Sheri xo

Toxic relationships, self-sabotaging behaviors and fear-based mindsets will consistently derail our efforts, drain our energy and hinder our growth and ability to create a life we won’t need to try to escape from. Are you tired of falling into the same negative patterns in your relationships? Do you find yourself feeling stuck, frustrated, and emotionally drained by repetitive cycles of conflict and disappointment? Don't let negative patterns dictate the course of your relationships any longer. It's time to break free….

Since successfully navigating the challenges of divorce, abandonment and a host of other relationship challenges in both childhood and in marriage, I have spent nearly 20 years coaching numerous women, both personally and professionally, and equipping them with the tools and strategies necessary to experience a transformational process that allows them to create joy-filled relationships and emotional stability!

If you are Ready to Transform Negative Patterns into Healthy Boundaries, then we need to chat…..!

Recently, I woke up with the thought that God tells us not to be anxious (Philippians 4:6). Our willingness to live out this guidance principle from His Word allows us to meet the challenges of life in a more purposeful, less-stressed frame of mind. 

Patience is a huge piece of emotional wholeness and comes from our living intentionally, or as I like to coin the phrase, “Life by Design, not Default”.

Later this same day, I decided it was time to untwist the cords on my plantation blinds on two windows upstairs. They had been left in a tied-up, tangled-up state due to the fact that they are not in my typical line of vision as I am mostly downstairs. Also, the fact is, they are in the middle of my husband, Jeff's office, and it's not a task I would want to have him watching over my shoulder... LOL!

At first, I was letting thoughts of irritation invade my peaceful mindset and not utilizing patience. I was focusing on not wanting to do this right now because it was too warm in the room and the fact that there were many other things I could be doing that would be of more value than standing there untwisting the blinds. 

As soon as I recognized that these negative thoughts were actually making the project more distasteful, I challenged my thoughts to reflect back on my early morning musings about patience and anxiety. I began to focus on how thankful I am to have a nice home and to have the opportunity to delight in making it a cozy and peaceful home.

I often get a front-row seat to moderate anxiety, with my beloved fur-baby, Max. He is a 5 year old golden retriever who really has a challenging time accepting change. He wants to be fed and walked at the scheduled time his internal clock dictates to him. If I move a chair or a lamp, he has to review what has happened and be given time to adjust. 

If my hubby, Jeff, who is Max’s best bud, is away, Max may pace a while, whine at the door or lounge with his big head and beautiful puppy eyes, resting on my lap. He likes sameness. He is incredibly anxious and pants fairly loudly when he isn’t having his routine to go down the way he expects.

I’m a lot like Max. I like to sit in my favorite place, which is near a window. wherever I am. I like to drink my coffee or tea from one particular mug. I like the bed made as soon as I get out of it. When I return home, I beat a path to place my purse in the same spot on the same shelf, time after time. I actually do not like to travel (yep, now you know my biggest quirk), because I like to sleep in my own bed! 

My reasoning for this behavior is that, more than anything, I absolutely detest having to search for anything or readjust to new surroundings.

I began to think of how God is teaching me to choose to be patient and work in a calm manner, rather than murmuring, and allowing my feelings of discontent to make me feel like I have a right to grumble. I thought how I have often been given a gentle nudge by Jesus, who loves me and wants the best for me. 

Left to my own devices, I would likely be the same person in 20 years that I am today.... never growing, never exiting my comfort zone. What a waste that would be, of a beautiful gift of life that I have been given!

In this and numerous other incidences, when I stop and listen to myself and overwrite my dislike for doing certain things or being in certain places, I can happily agree that the anxiety I feel around being dissatisfied can quickly turn to peace and a serene state of mind, when I choose to accept my situation and simply be patient.

My Grandmother would typically say about uncomfortable circumstances, “It came to pass, not to stay!” Yet my murmuring, complaining and finding fault certainly can make the staying part seem way too long!

Another thing Grandma often said was, "You will find whatever it is you are looking for in a given situation. If you look for the good, that's what you will find; if you look for the bad, that is all you will see!" This is certainly true in my life.

Anxiety is like being held at gunpoint while being robbed. It snarls around our present moments and blurs our focus. If that isn't enough, it robs our energy, our health and our hope for a brighter day. There is absolutely nothing good in being anxious. 

And the irony of the whole situation is that anxiety does not help anything. Worry, fear and doubt separate us from the peace God paid such a high price to provide for us. Nothing changes, improves or morphs into our ideal dream. We are left tired, angry, disillusioned and wrung out. 

It's like being in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. (This is someone who needs and seeks too much attention, wants to be admired, and does not have the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others). A totally toxic situation for those in relationship with them. But that's a story for another day and I digress. 

How do we take steps to overcome anxiety? 

As I see it, patience can help us to calmly assess situations in ways that can help us manage expectations in how we envision an outcome. Often, it's our expectations that things 'ought' to turn out in a certain way, that creates anxiety in the first place. We don't like the steps needed to get to a desired outcome, although, we have the ideal belief that the outcome will be like the grand finale at a Fourth of July fireworks celebration.

But it takes a whole lotta whole lotta to get there! We love to plan the party, yet the shopping, chopping, cooking, making lists, recruiting volunteers, answering RSVPs about directions, what to wear, what gift to bring yada yada yada, can be overwhelming at times.

Reflecting back on the beginning of my post, it was my underlying thoughts that spending the time in an uncomfortable, overly warm office to stand for half an hour untangling cords on plantation shutters would be a boring, waste of time and who would notice anyway. This was the actual culprit behind my anxiety and dissatisfaction. It wasn't the actual task itself. It was my underlying thought process.

There is a reason that Scripture teaches us in Philippians 2:14 to do all that we have to do without murmuring (grumbling) and complaining. It makes the job so much worse. And who wants to be an audience when someone whines about their tasks? Yep, go ahead and sign me up, right? NO! Thank you!

The opposite of grumbling would be gratitude. I have a lot to be thankful for in my home and the opportunity and good health to care for it well. It is a privilege that many do not have. 

I honestly believe there are three things that we can cultivate that will help us to reduce anxiety. They are to forgive when we've been wronged, be thankful for what we are given, and be content with the tasks that are ours to complete. After all, isn't this exactly how we would teach children to be?

If you haven't observed young children for a while, make a point to do so. They laugh a lot, throw a lot of energy (while smiling) into their tasks, and quickly forgive and move right on with their play time with other children.

What a beautiful example of what Jesus meant when He told us in Matthew 8:13 that, 'unless we become as little children we will not enter into heaven'.

And they delight themselves in their creative abilities and the tasks they have to do. They are often tireless in their efforts to build forts, create lego cities, cook in their play kitchens, and serve guests at their tea parties.

Yet, all of these 'play events' require work and focus to complete. But they enjoy it and I believe one thing makes the big difference. It is found in their attitudes. They have 'chosen' to do their task and do it with a great attitude. Most.Of.The.Time. Like us, they do have their off days. And we love them for being so real and authentic.

So, where can we point our focus today to help reduce our anxiety and experience more lasting joy? It’s actually closer than you may think! 

When we are intentional with our attitudes, our patience, managing our expectations and being quick to forgive wrongs done to us, we catch many more moments that take our breath away!

I pray today will be a day just like that for you!

Until next time.....

Sheri xo

Btw....If you would like to learn more about my online coaching program kicking off on this Fall, my website is fully operational now.... JoyFilledRelationships.com

To see how this program may benefit you, feel free to schedule a free consult with me at: https://calendly.com/sheri-geyer/consult 

And please share this info with other women that you believe would like more Joy in their life and relationships! xo